Donald Trump Also Finds Mustaches Unacceptable

John Bolton. Photo: Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg via Getty Images

Donald Trump continues to hold casting calls for the grand reality show that is the American government, and like any discerning casting director, he has a few deal-breakers. History of sexual assault? Nah, that’s fine. Zero relevant experience for the job? Actually a bonus. Self-identifies as Darth Vader? No problem. A woman? Doesn’t help, but exceptions can be made. Nay, the one thing that will be sure to get you kicked off Trump’s job short list faster than you can say Rudy Giuliani three times fast: too much facial hair.

According to the Washington Post, a number of Trump’s associates thought that former U.N. ambassador John Bolton’s prominent mustache handicapped him in the race for secretary of State. “Donald was not going to like that mustache,” said one associate. “I can’t think of anyone that’s really close to Donald that has a beard that he likes.”

The piece talks at length about how Trump’s hires need to “look the part,” and how the PEOTUS was drawn to the likes of Mitt Romney and Rex Tillerson for their “central casting” quality.” As one source said: “You can come with somebody who is very much qualified for the job, but if they don’t look the part, they’re not going anywhere.”

Don’t worry, bald dudes: You’re still good.

Update: It appears that Bolton plans to stick with his signature lewk, job prospects be damned.

Donald Trump Also Finds Mustaches Unacceptable