Everybody knows that breakfast is the most important meal, a time to stock up on nutrient-rich foods that give us the energy we need to tackle the day. Or, if you’re White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer, it’s a time to chew and swallow 35 sticks of Orbit cinnamon gum.
This is the face of today’s Republican Party: The nose is pinched, the hair is sandy blond, the eyes are intense. But all you really need to know can be seen in the mouth. This is where Spicer’s talent and nervous energy meet. Watch it open wide enough to inhale his phone as he yells at an editor. Behold its versatility, as he at once chastises Trump for calling Mexicans rapists and murderers while also lauding him for calling attention to the issue of illegal immigration. Even when he is not speaking, it works on overdrive, churning through pieces of Orbit cinnamon gum, which he chews and swallows whole. Notwithstanding his line of work, the man just can’t stand a gross-feeling mouth.
“Two and a half packs by noon,” said Spicer. “I talked to my doctor about it, he said it’s no problem.”
Of course, Spicer may have simply been offering the paper an “alternative fact”; after all, everybody knows cinnamon is the worst Orbit flavor.