Gwyneth Paltrow (left), McDonald’s (right).
Just one week after informing us that walking around barefoot could cure our depression and insomnia, the green-juice vending machine that is Goop published its guide to fast food. From salads without dressing to pizza without cheese, the lifestyle website purports to have found the healthiest options at all your favorite chains, including Wendy’s, McDonald’s, and Taco Bell. Below, we’ve compiled some even healthier options at these establishments, which Goop somehow forgot to include:
1. Breathe in through your nose and inhale air at McDonald’s.
2. Call Domino’s and express gratitude for living this beautiful life.
3. Ask for some lemons at Chipotle. Put in cup and add water.
4. Walk around barefoot at Subway.
5. Breathe in through your mouth and inhale air at Panda Express.
6. Put your jade egg in the hole of a doughnut at Dunkin’ Donuts.
7. Order hot water at Starbucks.
8. Do your Tracy Anderson workout on top of the counter at Taco Bell.
9. Bury lettuce from Wendy’s in the ground to give back to the Earth.
10. Envision Miki Agrawal’s signature hat at Arby’s.
11. Ask KFC if they carry raw goats’ milk.