How to Get Your Next Profile Picture to Look Like Melania Trump’s Official Portrait

By
Melania Trump.

On Monday, the White House released First Lady Melania Trump’s official portrait. It’s a bit, uh, unconventional, but here’s how you, too, can get that FLOTUS look:

1. Go to a Sears Portrait Studio.

2. Pick out the most laser-adjacent background you can get, without it being the actual laser background.

3. Slip on the biggest ring from the Melania™ Timepieces & Jewelry collection, available on QVC.

4. Turn on a wind machine.

5. On second thought, turn off the wind machine.

6. Smear some Vaseline on the camera lens.

7. Cross your arms and smize — smize as hard as you can, to forget that you’re going to have to do this for the next four to eight years.

How to Look Like Melania Trump’s Official Portrait