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The Woman Texting Someone Else While Her Fiancé Is Away

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New York’s Sex Diaries series asks anonymous city dwellers to record a week in their sex lives — with comic, tragic, often sexy, and always revealing results. This week, an engaged copywriter who has a craving for someone else: 39, straight, engaged, DUMBO.


8:15 a.m. I’m in line for my morning coffee and Jamie, a guy I went out with three years ago, is in front of me. What are the chances? He looks really good. I recognize him but I’m not sure he recognizes me. I say hi …

8:17 a.m. He remembers me. We have a pleasant exchange — even though the whole thing should be super awkward. Why? Because I blew him off pretty hard core after that first date, three years ago, and two because … I am engaged … and my fiancé is in the bathroom.

8:20 a.m. I introduce Jamie to Luke, my fiancé, but I make sure not to say “fiancé.” I just say, “This is Luke.” I wonder if either of them pick up on my obvious lack of detail. I don’t like jewelry and rarely wear the engagement ring, so that wasn’t there as a clue.

9:30 a.m. Luke and I are finishing up our work stuff (we work together as freelance advertising copywriters) and Jamie is still at the café on his laptop. I’m distracted. All I want to do is make out — with Jaime.

10 a.m. I take a yoga class, still thinking about Jamie. I was not into him on our first date, arranged via Bumble. I thought he was cute but not that cute, and maybe too gritty. I remember him making it really clear that he didn’t have money, would never make much money, and came from a poor family. On a first date, it was all a lot to take in. I don’t come from money either, but I work hard and have financial goals.

1 p.m. Luke and I are at a different coffee shop now. Luke is great; I love him a lot. We’ve been together for two years. It’s a healthy, happy relationship. We don’t have a date set for our wedding, but we’re starting to talk about it. We’re also starting to talk about having kids. He’s 42 and I’m 39 — it’s time.

6:30 p.m. On the walk to our apartment from the coffee shop, Luke asks how I knew “that guy, Jamie” from the morning. I could easily say, “We had a date once.” Luke would get a kick out of that. But instead I say, “He dated my sister, but she thought he was gay.” Somehow, I subconsciously threw the “gay” thing in there to give me more protection, in case I ever contact Jamie. I want to contact Jamie …

9:30 p.m. Luke and I cook dinner — a stir-fry chicken-and-rice thing with coconut milk — and have two glasses of wine each. Shortly after, he goes down on me for a few minutes and then we fuck doggy style. I come first, and hard, as usual. Our sex is always good.


8:30 a.m. There was something else about the Jamie date, three years ago, that I keep thinking about. My best friend had just died. Suicide. He was the first date I went on after the funeral, after three weeks of mourning. He brought me a small trinket to represent strength, because he knew I was suffering. It was so kind. I remember thinking it wasn’t quite enough to garner a second date, but nevertheless I was touched. I keep the trinket on my bedside table and look at it often. It doesn’t mean I’ve thought of Jamie often (or at all) since, but now that I’ve run into him again, I feel compelled to let him know how sweet that was and how much I love that little thing.

10 a.m. On the way to yoga, I look through my phone to see if I even stored his name in there. It is there, but spelled wrong. That’s how little I gave a shit about him. I decide to wait until later to text. I know myself and once I text, there’s no turning back. I’ve never cheated on Luke, but I’ve cheated on boyfriends before. I’m not polyamorous or anything, but I also don’t think straying (once in a blue moon) is the biggest deal in the world. I am sure Luke has “made out” with a girl here or there, or had a fling with an ex, or something at some point. He’d probably call me cynical and delusional for assuming that, but I’m just saying I don’t place too much weight on 100 percent fidelity 100 percent of the time. I’m just being realistic.

3 p.m. Luke has client meetings and I’m working in a coffee shop. I text Jamie. I write it was great seeing him and that, FYI, the little gift he gave me still sits next to my pillow and means a lot to me, and I’m sorry I never thanked him properly. It’s a long, rambling text, but when you’re not single and there are no consequences, you can relax with that stuff. No rules.

3:10 p.m. Jamie writes back an equally long and overly friendly text. Hee-hee!

4 p.m. Lots of texts. Not too flirty. More like old-friend-y.

5 p.m. Luke and I have to make our way to Westchester tonight for a cousin’s birthday party, so I don’t text Jamie any more and the night ends up being lovely with friends and family.

10:30 p.m. Home again, we have sex in the kitchen from behind, against the wall. I come from rubbing my own clit as Luke fucks me, and then Luke comes on my ass.


8:30 a.m. When I wake up, there’s a text from Jamie asking if “that guy” is my boyfriend.

9:30 a.m. I write back, “Yes!” without any specific fiancé label. He responds, “Lucky guy!”

10:30 a.m. I go to pee and notice that I’m ovulating. When I ovulate, I have tons of rubber-cement-like discharge. I am also incredibly horny when I ovulate. It’s very primal.

3 p.m. I worked all day and didn’t text much with Jamie.

7 p.m. Luke and I pick up Korean BBQ and take it home to watch in front of the TV. I am so horny. I tell Luke I want to fuck twice tonight — something we never do, as once is usually enough. He does not need to be convinced. First, we fuck in the kitchen as soon as we get home. And then we eat, knowing we’ll get back into it again later.

8:30 p.m. The Americans is not good this season. My mind drifts to Jamie. His eyes looked so green when we ran into each other. I don’t remember his eyes looking so green!

10 p.m. During our second round of fucking, I have a hard time coming. I pretend it’s Jamie giving it to me, while telling me what a “cunt” I was for never returning his calls. I fantasize that it’s very rough and that Jamie is pulling my hair and punishing me for being awful. I come hard.


8 a.m. Luke is heading home for Passover week, to California. I’m staying here to do Easter with the side of my family that lives on the East Coast. One thing I love about us is how drama-free everything is. No one is neurotic, there’s never any pressure, it’s always very easy.

11 a.m. My mind drifted during yoga. I wonder if the fact that Jamie was my first date after my friend’s death has something to do with this weird infatuation now. Like, seeing him makes me feel closer to her, because he was in my orbit around that time. Is it that deep? I’m not sure. Maybe I’m just boy crazy by nature.

12:30 p.m. I text Jamie to see if he wants to continue “catching up.” It had to happen.

3 p.m. He texts back that he has a thing with his “girlfriend” tonight but tomorrow he’s around. Ahhhh, he has a girlfriend! Well, good for him. I am not emotionally affected by this at all. We make a plan for tomorrow. I have no idea what will happen and I’m not really worried one way or another about it.

8 p.m. Talk to Luke for a while on the phone. He’s happy to be with his nieces and nephews. He’s going to be an incredible dad someday.


8:30 a.m. I have coffee with a friend visiting from San Francisco, Daniella. We talk about our love lives the entire time. She’s single and has all these hilarious dating stories. Luke gives all my single friends hope because he’s cute, nice, interesting, and has no major issues. And tall and not bald! I tell her I’m seeing a random dude tonight and she is mostly amused by the whole thing. She doesn’t judge. Maybe she should?

4 p.m. I get a ton of work done because I know I’m going to be hungover tomorrow.

6 p.m. I clean our apartment just in case there is a visitor later. I tell Luke that I’m seeing Daniella for dinner. It’s a white lie. He’s super preoccupied with his family so I don’t think he’ll check in again until later tonight or even tomorrow morning. For all I know, he’s rekindling with someone out West too. I don’t go down that rabbit hole. Like I said, it’s not my style.

8 p.m. Jamie and I meet up at a dive bar that has great burgers. I like that he has a girlfriend. Nothing about meeting up makes me nervous. It’s just a friend thing and … we’ll see.

8:15 p.m. He gives me a big hug and we start to drink.

9:30 p.m. He’s telling me how surprised he was that I never wanted to go out again, since he thought we had a terrific first date. I explain that I was looking for “something specific” and I don’t know why, but he just wasn’t it. It’s pretty straightforward, but I have nothing to lose. We get to talking about our significant others. His GF sounds really nice and devoted, but I don’t think he’s that into her. I tell him what a blessing Luke is, and when I get to the engagement part, Jamie doesn’t seem hurt or pissed about anything. He’s a class act. At this point, I’m wondering if he’d even hook up if I wanted to …

10 p.m. …Who am I kidding?

10:30 p.m. We’ve each had a couple of drinks. No missed call from Luke, not that I’m too concerned. Jamie walks me home.

10:45 p.m. He comes up to my apartment because we both know what’s happening. I go to pee and I can tell I’m still ovulating. Somehow this makes me wake up from the haze of the fun night a little bit. I walk out of the bathroom door a little more sober than I was two minutes ago. He is sending a text — I presume to his girlfriend. I say, “You should probably go home.” We lock eyes and it’s so hot, it’s almost as good as physical touch. We hug …

11 p.m. The hug turns to some hot and heavy making out. Very steamy. And very innocent. He leaves before any clothes come off. I have no regrets about anything tonight.


9 a.m. I have a hangover but at least not the kind of hangover that comes with a “What the fuck happened last night?” I think I got the Jamie thing out of my system.

10 a.m. It’s Saturday so I just organize the apartment all day and catch up with friends and family on the phone.

1 p.m. Luke and I FaceTime. I miss him. I can’t wait to marry him. I tell him to talk to his parents about what they’re thinking in regards to our wedding location. I’ll talk to mine too. Let’s do this …

7 p.m. I get into bed to watch the last two episodes of Big Little Lies. How ironic!


8 a.m. I’m heading home to Boston for a week or so with my friends and family. Taking Amtrak. I’m excited to listen to S-Town on the ride. I put on my engagement ring since a few of my family members still need to see it. It’s a beautiful sapphire that belonged to Luke’s grandmother.

10:30 a.m. From Penn Station, I send Jamie an email telling him how wonderful it was to reconnect. I tell him I’m going to listen to S-Town, which he had made me promise to do. He texts a little bit, but the fire has died down. I think we both feel fine about that.

8 p.m. I FaceTime Luke with my parents, my brother, and his kids. They call him Uncle Luke. We tell him as a family that the wedding should be this Labor Day … maybe in Cape Cod. He suggests Laguna Beach. And here we go!

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The Woman Texting Someone Else While Her Fiancé Is Away