The Law Student Fantasizing About Anthony Bourdain

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New York’s Sex Diaries series asks anonymous city dwellers to record a week in their sex lives — with comic, tragic, often sexy, and always revealing results. This week, a law student who’s dating her former TA, among others: 26, straight, single, UES.

Day One

9:45 a.m. I overslept. In a panic, I race over to my law building to turn in my midterm with just minutes to spare. As I’m leaving the building, I run into Luke, my teaching assistant turned FWB. He was the teaching assistant for one of my classes last year, and when I made the first move one night in the library, he was into it. Then we hung out over the summer — we were both interning at the same firm — and have been seeing each other off and on ever since. We agree to go out later tonight to celebrate the end of midterms.

11:52 a.m. I work part-time at a law office downtown. I show up and find out that my supervising attorney is working from home, which means I can too. With nothing to do for the rest of the day, I text my best friend, Christine, who works a couple of blocks away, to see if she wants to grab lunch.

Noonish Meet up with Christine for ramen near her office building. Christine is telling me about her new lover from Belgium who apparently enjoys bondage and fisting. That’s not really for me. Christine calls me “vanilla,” but I enjoy my sex life as it is. She has a thing for kinky Europeans. I prefer salt-of-the-earth, all-American men.

6:30 p.m. Meet up with Luke for tacos and beer — the perfect post-midterm remedy. My roommate is out of town. Luke and I are definitely having sex.

8:50 p.m. Before we’re even through the door of my apartment, Luke is biting my neck and grabbing my ass. When we get inside, he pushes me against the kitchen counter, pulls down my leggings, and fucks me against the cabinets. Luke was in the Army before enrolling in law school; his physical fitness and stamina are herculean. I come twice. Even though I have an IUD, I make him pull out.

9:42 p.m. Luke asks to spend the night and I acquiesce. We’re both into travel shows — we watch an episode of Parts Unknown while snuggling in bed.

10:30 p.m. Quickie after we finish an episode. I’m on top, my favorite position. I don’t come, but he does. Fall asleep comfortably satisfied. Luke is respectful and makes sure he doesn’t hog the covers.

Day Two

8 a.m. Luke and I wake up around the same time and then we go at it doggy style for 30 minutes. An orgasm is the perfect start to the day.

10:30 a.m. I make Luke breakfast. We chat about law-school drama and our upcoming summer internships. He leaves after breakfast to go pick up his daughter. His daughter is the only reason we aren’t regularly dating. Luke’s ex-girlfriend is very possessive of their child and gets jealous when Luke dates. I’m not about to insert myself into that drama.

7:30 p.m. Dinner with Christine and a group of friends. We’re all 20-somethings living in the city. Some of us are in graduate school, others are working at their first or second jobs; we all met in college at Fordham and have been living in the city for a while.

10:25 p.m. Bar hopping through Williamsburg. We’re doing shots of Jameson. I’ve needed a night out like this — law school has turned me into a recluse.

Midnight At a club, I’m grinding with my friend Nadeem. I’ve always found him boyishly attractive. Nadeem goes in for a kiss and I drunkenly reciprocate. Christine is dancing next to us with a Spaniard in his early 30s.

2 a.m. Nadeem and I make out in an Uber back to his place. We get up to Nadeem’s loft, and I start giving him a blow job. After coming, he mentions having sex — we choose to smoke a joint and kiss some more instead.

3:32 a.m. Back in my own bed. I’m going to regret drinking so much tomorrow, but I’m pleased that I finally got to make out with Nadeem.

Day Three

7 a.m. My body hates me.

8:20 a.m. I order Seamless from a nearby bodega: a breakfast sandwich, two glazed doughnuts, potato chips, and a Sprite.

Noon I’m young enough that my hangovers don’t last all day. I dive into paperwork for the law firm while munching on glazed doughnuts.

5 p.m. Nadeem texts me saying that last night was “wild.” I’m a little disappointed when he doesn’t mention getting together again. Maybe I gave bad oral? I’ve been attempting to wean myself off random hookups. They always lead to nothing and distract from more important things.

6:30 p.m. Make myself a quick stir-fry for dinner. I watch another episode of Parts Unknown; I’ve always been attracted to older men. Men my age can be trifling. Grab my new vibrator and test it out. I imagine myself fucking Anthony Bourdain in Morocco. I come twice and hit the sheets.

Day Four

9 a.m. Waking up at a normal hour feels heavenly.

12:50 p.m. My mom calls and goes through her laundry list of weekly questions. Am I eating properly? How are my finances? Am I dating? Even though I’m squarely in my mid-20s, my mom supports me financially and emotionally. My dad died when I was a toddler, so it’s been just my mom and me for a long time. My mom lives in Virginia, but flies out to visit me every other month. I liken our relationship to Gilmore Girls, as cliché as that sounds. My mom and I chat for a couple of hours about random things.

2:30 p.m. Get off the phone with my mom and see a text from Luke. He asks if I want to spend the day together next weekend with the possibility of a sleepover. He offers to make homemade pasta. I quickly reply yes. Maybe I’m being too eager, but I really enjoy Luke’s company. It’s possible I’m overthinking the daughter situation.

Day Five

11 a.m. I get a text from Nadeem between classes. He wants to go for drinks later this week. Maybe the blow job wasn’t terrible?

2:30 p.m. While at the law office, I get a phone call. I check my cell and I am surprised to see it’s my ex-boyfriend Edward. He’s in town for a lecture series at Columbia and wants to grab dinner tonight. A year has passed since we’ve seen each other, and it’s been two years since we ended our relationship. I met him during a summer abroad in Scotland, and we dated for nearly two years while he was a professor here in the city (thankfully, not at Fordham) before deciding to end things. I was very much in love with him, and devastated by the breakup.

5:45 p.m. I run out of my office building and get a blowout at a hair salon where I have a membership. Spend the rest of the evening getting ready. I’m spending an insane amount of time on my appearance, but I want to look my best when I see Edward.

7 p.m. Edward picks me up in a car. I’d describe him as Dylan McDermott with salt-and-pepper hair. At 46, he’s in amazing physical shape and one of the most brilliant men I have ever met. My mother might not have been overly happy about our relationship, but she supported me nonetheless.

9:50 p.m. Dinner is going fantastic: We’re chatting like old friends. I tell Edward about Luke and he suggests not writing him off. The only reason I didn’t stay with Edward is because he’s a confirmed bachelor — never married and never going to be. He also doesn’t want children, which was the deal-breaker for me.

10:15 p.m. We finally leave the restaurant and Edward invites me back to his hotel for a nightcap. I must be a drunk on Champagne because I agree.

Midnight It doesn’t take long for the nightcap to turn into fondling. A few moments later, Edward is eating me out on top of the coffee table in the hotel room. I’m not normally into oral, but he is a pro at making me come this way. We have sex every which way until we’re both a tangle of limbs on the bed. During pillow talk, Edward mentions that he misses me. My heart soars, but still: I remember how much our breakup hurt. I change the subject before we both fall asleep.

Day Six

6:06 a.m. Edward has an early lecture to attend, and I need to get back to my apartment and get ready for class. But first, we order room-service pastries and coffee. I tell him I’m going to be in London for the summer, and he says he will be too. We promise to set a date to meet up.

7 a.m. On my Uber ride home I feel weirdly reflective. Hearing Edward say he misses me made me so happy, but I’m not about to stake my heart on him again.

10:46 a.m. I focus on my classes for the rest of the morning. My supervisor is still working from home, so that means I can head back to my apartment after my class.

12:30 p.m. Bump into Luke again. He has the rest of the day off and is wondering if I want to hang out. I’m still feeling emotionally sensitive over Edward — hanging out with Luke will make me feel better.

1:42 p.m. At my place, Luke and I “moot” (lawyer talk for practice) an oral argument he has tomorrow. We spend most of the afternoon working, and I’m surprised at how comfortable it feels.

5 p.m. We’re both starving, so we order Seamless and eat sushi with our hands, on the floor. Luke mentions his ex-girlfriend is seeing someone and my ears perk up.

8:45 p.m. I smoke a joint while Luke drinks some wine. We end up having sex, tender and slow, in my bed. I come once, then let him come in me. Even though I ask him to stay, he goes back to his apartment. He has the argument early in the morning and wants a good night’s sleep. We kiss a little before he leaves.

9 p.m. I get a text from Nadeem asking what I’m up to, but I’m not feeling it and don’t respond. An early night in won’t do any harm.

Day Seven

7 a.m. Wake up to a paragraph-size text from Luke. He says he wants to be “serious” about our relationship now that his ex-girlfriend is occupied. He has feelings for me, and he’s wondering if I have them for him. I’m a little giddy at the idea of having Luke as a boyfriend. I text yes to everything then cheerfully get ready for another day of classes.

8:05 a.m. I text Christine about Luke and Edward on my commute to school. She and I make plans to get drinks so we can psychoanalyze the hell out of this situation.

3 p.m. Another text from Nadeem asking me what I’m up to. I text back that I had fun the other night but don’t want to pursue anything. He doesn’t respond. Think I just lost a friend?

8 p.m. My roommate and I eat a Trader Joe’s Indian dinner while catching up. She’s met Luke before and approves. Luke texts me that he won his case and is thrilled about my response. We make plans to prepare and strategize everything about our relationship this weekend. What? We’re lawyers. It’s what we do.

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The Law Student Fantasizing About Anthony Bourdain