How Many Kardashians Need to Throw Water on Scott Disick?

Photo: Courtesy of E! Entertainment

On this week’s episode of the decade-long drama Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the show’s vacation arc, like every time the family takes a trip abroad, took place over a few episodes … and days. The days must have been long because the drama was high, hunnies. Last night, our A plot was Scott’s abhorrent behavior toward the Kardashian family; our B plot was Khloé’s agitation with her family; and our C plot was Kim’s testimony against her Paris attackers. #LEGGO

Scene 1:

Like most weeks this season, this week’s episode picked up right where last week’s left off — Scott being confronted by three Kardashians and one Jenner about sketchily flying a woman to stay with him in his Costa Rican hotel. Scott seems whatever is less than remorseful, claiming that he needs to find some way to move on from Kourtney (and inviting secret fuck buddies abroad is the only way). Finally showing a hint of true emotion toward Scott, Kourtney tells him that his actions are disrespectful to her, their kids, and her entire family. She also starts to understand that Scott hasn’t yet been clued in on the base level of “respect” and “appropriateness” that most adults can easily comprehend. Thinking he’s making a point, Scott says he wouldn’t have to do this if Kourtney just let him “fuck her” while they were on vacation.

Shocked, Khloé asks yet again if he can’t go four days without getting his “dick wet,” to which he replies he can’t because he’s a sex addict. This is obviously a lie, which Scott admits in his confessional. Fed up, Khloé rises, tosses water on Scott, and leaves. Excited by the drama and possibly concerned about her silence during this scene, Kim leaves too — and on her way out tosses water on Scott “for Dubai!” Then, Kris, just working for her check, tosses water on Scott too. Both Kim and Kris toss water on Scott with a smile, signaling their forgiveness toward him.

On their way back to the villa, Kim has jokes for score, yelling that the three of them are “unfuckable with” while also being “really fuckable.” Khloé gets texts from Scott apologizing and asking to stay in the house with them. She and Kourtney find it amusing and decide to invite him. Like the final scene in last week’s episode, this scene was filmed on January 27, 2017.

Scene 2:

The next morning, Scott meets Khloé at the family’s villa. The two had been texting all night, and Khloé’s decided to include him on their trip to the Springs (yet another high-end resort for the family to lounge about in) because she didn’t want to kick him when he was down. Baby girl, dropkick him! Scott is in low spirits because the previous evening’s confrontation ruined his night. Khloé takes even more pity on Scott when his kids come up to cuddle with him. Penelope, who exhibits more and more of Kourtney’s personality each week, mumbles that she just wants to do nothing all day. After this, Khloé, Scott, his kids, and the rest of the family take helicopters to the Springs, where they’re spending the night. This scene was filmed on January 28, 217.

Scene 4:

Once they’re at the Springs, Khloé is eager for her family to hop immediately to their planned activities. Kim’s already backed out of tubing, and Kris is playing elderly in a rocking chair as she watches her children prepare for the water sport. Khloé and her fully exposed labia chastise her mom, saying she just can’t rock in that chair and make people feel like she’s too old to participate. Without Kris or Kim, Khloé takes Kourtney, Corey, Tyga, Kylie, and Scott tubing. They have a wonderful time, and even pass by Kim, who’s making Mason watch her jump in and out of the water. When tubing is done, the group meets Kris and Kim in the hot springs and the family wades about in the healing water — healing according to Kourtney. She claims it can cure skin conditions like psoriasis, so Kris collects the hot-spring water in bottles that she’s first emptied off the side of the spring like a true mother. Like the scene before, this scene was filmed on January 28, 2017.

Scene 5:

That night, the family has dinner together. The trip is nearing an end, which has Kim feeling anxious — she’s set to fly to New York straight from Costa Rica to testify against her Paris attackers. Kim isn’t excited to relive the trauma, she explains, nor does she want to falsely send someone to jail since she never saw anyone’s face fully. Kim’s family doesn’t understand why she’s being in any way generous or sympathetic toward her suspects. Kris, who successfully stole water from the hot spring, and packaged it in a portable spray bottle, sprays some on her face right after Kim finishes talking about her robbery trial. Not getting a good read on the outdoor space as the mood is undoubtedly down, Kris says she’ll do whatever it takes to cure psoriasis and stress relief. Then she recommends the spray to her kids, and Kylie takes her up on the offer and asks to spray it on her “little you know,” which just appears to be the side of her boob. She says it “hurts” while making a confused face. Kylie’s Little You Know was tended to on January 28, 2017.

Scene 7:

The following morning, Kim and Khloé have a Kosta Rican Konfrontation. Khloé complains that their vacations are not what they used to be. Because they family is getting more successful and isolated from normal life, it seems like they’ve painted themselves in a corner where they can’t simply enjoy themselves with pure family time and it’s a “fucked up way to live.” This stems from Kim not wanting to go to the beach due to paparazzi. Kim doesn’t agree. Instead, she thinks that Khloé may just have a negative personality. Khloé’s not buying Kim’s opinion on her personality and further complains that Kim’s been practically immobile the whole trip, Kylie and Tyga have been holed up with one another, Kourtney is playing Play-Doh with the kids, and who even knows what Kris and Corey are doing. Kim really doesn’t care and accuses Khloé of being “snappy.” Khloé replies that means Kim should probably be a little more sensitive to her feelings. Kim and Khloé’s Konfrontation was filmed on January 29, 2017.

Scene 8:

After her altercation with Kim, Khloé hits the pool with Scott. Upset, she breaks the news to him that they won’t be headed to the beach because Kim’s nervous about being snapped by paps. Scott is frustrated — the only reason they came back to the Villa was for a trip to the beach. Kourtney soon joins them, and positions herself with her ass in Scott’s face. She decides to have a very serious talk about the fate of her and Scott’s relationship in front of their kids, Tyga and Blac Chyna’s son, King, and Khloé. Kourtney tells Scott that it’s time for the two of them to move on from one another, and Scott asks if this means that they’ll never get married. Kourtney confirms this and quotes the reigning enemy of Calabasas, Taylor Swift, and says that they are “never getting back together.” It’s odd that the two of them had never had this conversation after almost two years of being separated.

Scott seems unfazed. When he and Kourtney take to the water with their kids, he picks her bikini-clad body up and carries her to the edge of the pool and faces her crotch toward the Costa Rican sun, as if to celebrate their broken relationship. Like Scene 7, this scene was filmed on January 29, 2017.

Scene 9:

The same afternoon, Kim calls Kris and Kourtney together to dissect her fight with Khloé. Kim feels bad; she’s starting to understand how much Khloé worked to make a great trip for the family. Kim wants her sister to have fun, but at the same time she’s annoyed by her sensitive feelings. They decide they should talk to Khloé together, and all go out to meet her on the patio. Khloé knows what’s coming and gives a slight grin at the ambush. Khloé’s prepped to go head-to-head with her family, and says she’s tired of people’s unwillingness and ungratefulness. Kim’s simply had enough, deems Khloé annoying, tells her to “shut the fuck up,” and calls her a bully. Then she leaves abruptly, mimicking Khloé saying “you people!” This scene was also filmed on January 29, 2017.

Scene 11:

Khloé tries to decompress from her family fight and hits the gym. She realizes that this isn’t creating the perfect example of enjoying Costa Rica, but justifies it by saying she likes exercising. While Khloé gets her workout on in what looks like an underground bunker, Kylie, decked out in a silk onesie, visits and pretends to want to work out with her sister. She also gets a look at Khloé’s Snapchat glasses, which the Queen of Snapchat herself didn’t even know existed. They play with the spectacles for a bit before Kim joins, looking to finally make amends with her sister. Khloé accepts Kim’s nonverbal apology, and tells her sisters that this is the best time she’s had in Costa Rica because it’s just them hanging out. I would argue that they’ve been doing just that the whole trip, but hey — I didn’t plan it! If you couldn’t guess the pattern from before, this scene was also filmed on January 29, 2017.

Scene 12:

For their final meal, Kris gathers the family for dinner. Once everyone’s seated, she has everyone go around and tell their peak and pit from this most wretched trip. Kim’s peak is spending time with her family, while her pit is being away from Kanye. Kylie’s peak is spending time with her family, and her pit is being away from her Calabasas compound. Khloé’s peak was tubing and activities, and her pit was complaining. Her peak might have also been this dinner, once she realized she may be the most articulate of them all for being able to detail one specific thing she enjoyed from the trip, and not just using “family time” as a catchall. After their dinnertime game, Kris sprays herself with more water from the hot spring and joins the family in some dancing. Shockingly, this scene was also filmed on January 29.

Scene 13:

After dinner, Kourtney gears up for a nude photo shoot in one of their villa’s pools. Before she gets in the water, though, she play-fights with Kylie, who just seems to be hanging around to make sure Kourtney doesn’t look better than her in the buff. Once she strips, Kourtney’s entire family and team cheer her on while she whips her hair in and out of the water. This scene serves no purpose but to drive home the fact that Kourtney’s “still got it” after three kids, and to knock a “jealous” Kylie down a peg for not considering doing a similar shoot herself. This scene was filmed on … drumroll, please … JANUARY TWENTY-NINTH.

Scene 16:

After the trip, Kim flies straight to New York, where she meets with Jonathan Cheban, who could stand to work a quarter as hard on his personality as he does his face. She tells Jonathan and the Greatest Assistant of All Time, Steph Shep, that she’s anxious about testifying against and being face-to-face with her Paris attackers, who are being charged with attempted murder, robbery, kidnapping, and weapons charges. She also has to explain the attack in such detail that actors can re-create the scene to be played in front of a courthouse when the case goes to trial. Jonathan and GOAT Steph Shep assure Kim that she’ll be fine handling testimony and wish her well. This scene was filmed on February 1, 2017.

Scene 17:

The following day, Kim testifies. It wasn’t filmed, but we do get a rundown by Kim to Kris via the phone. Kim feels relieved and was satisfied to hear her attackers being honest, save a few details that would get them a lighter sentence. She’s happy she got this over with and knows that she would have been attacked at some point because they had been following her for years. This scene was filmed on February 2, 2017.

That’s all ya girl’s got for you this week, Dolls. Remember to keep it locked over here next week for another #KUWTKE recap of Keeping Up With the Life of Kylie’s Little Thing. #SNAPPY

How Many Kardashians Need to Throw Water on Scott Disick?