Rolling Stone’s Justin Trudeau Story Is Extremely Horny

Justin Trudeau. Photo: Martin Schoeller for Rolling Stone

Anyone who has read a magazine cover profile of Selena Gomez or Emily Ratajkowski or really any female Hollywood star under the age of 30 is familiar with the trope of the Horny Profile: A male writer opines for 3,000 words about how the star is “coquettish,” “coy,” and also maybe wants to screw them. A writer can dream!

Justin Trudeau, the prime minister of Canada and professional photobomber, may have just become the first man to get the Hollywood-actress horny-profile treatment. Trudeau is on the cover of the upcoming August issue of Rolling Stone, and the story’s author was noticeably put under Trudeau’s witchy spell. “Why can’t he be our president?” opines the cover, but we’re just getting started. From the profile:

Trudeau reminds me of, well, Obama as he smiles and listens patiently to me droning on about my Canadian wife as if it is actually interesting. For Trudeau, listening is seducing. But as soon as I start asking questions, he snaps into place, admiringly forthcoming on his life journey and frustratingly on message when it comes to political answers. As we chat, he smiles and locks in with his blue eyes, but Trudeau, whose mother’s side is of Scottish descent, swats away all Trump-baiting questions with a look that says, “Not today, laddie.”

Seductive swatting! Then, at a party for the Italian president:

Trudeau, unlike his father, doesn’t seem to mind the small talk of the cocktail crowd. He works the room, giving a wink here and a shoulder grab there.

Dear me. At a charity boxing match:

On a March night in 2012, the odds were 3-to-1 against Trudeau. Brazeau, an indigenous Canadian, had long black hair and a slew of fierce tattoos. (Trudeau has a tat of a raven and, sigh, the planet Earth.) Brazeau looked like a guy who could manage a dozen alkies at a strip club. The Conservative media couldn’t stop salivating, openly dreaming of the death of the shiny pony.

Ooo, Brazeau with a slew of fierce tattoos. A counterpoint. I’m sweating. Horny profiles for everyone!

Rolling Stone’s Justin Trudeau Story Is Extremely Horny