What Your Therapist Really Thinks About Love and Marriage

Illustration: Eugenia Loli

What Your Therapist Really Thinks will return in two weeks — catch up on previous columns in the archives, or check out Lori Gottlieb’s advice on love, marriage, and relationships below. And if you’ve got questions for Your Therapist, email

“Is My Husband Having an Affair?”
Whenever somebody in my office brings up sexual infidelity (confirmed or suspected), my first instinct is to wonder what other infidelities might be going on.

“I Found the Perfect Woman — Except for One Problem.”
The reason most of us fall in love with our partners is because our unconscious brain, the brain mapped out in childhood, recognizes aspects of whoever cared for us growing up.

“If We Always Threaten Divorce, Is Our Marriage Doomed?”
Emotional terrorism leads to failed marriages. But here’s the hopeful part: You can absolutely change this pattern once you understand it better.

“Did I Sabotage My Relationship?”
Maybe one way you self-sabotage is by choosing untrustworthy partners. But another possibility is that you self-sabotage by driving your partners away.

“Why Is It So Hard to Change?”
We can’t have change without loss, which is why so often we say we want change but nonetheless stay the same. When you say that it’s hard to let go despite wanting to move on, what you’re really talking about is grief.

Lori Gottlieb is a writer and a psychotherapist in private practice. Got a question? Email Her column will appear here every Friday.

All letters to What Your Therapist Really Thinks become the property of New York Media LLC and will be edited for length, clarity, and grammatical correctness.

The information provided by What Your Therapist Really Thinks is for entertainment and educational purposes only, and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

What Your Therapist Really Thinks About Love and Marriage