This season, Game of Thrones fans have been waiting to find out: How and when will Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen consummate their season-long flirtation? All that mutual respect and admiration, and all those sexually charged “bend the knee” requests could only go one way — horizontally. It was just enough of a perfect, slow-simmering stew of attraction that fans could freely ship Snow-y (Snow Dragon? Dan-Jon?) and almost totally ignore the minor question of incest.
So, here we are in the season finale, and there was no way the two of them weren’t going to Game of Bones. Jon risked his life and mission by vocally pledging his loyalty to Queen Dany in front of Cersei (a death wish, but also something akin to calling her his girlfriend in front of his bros). And then their conversation about her inability to have children ended with a flirty suggestion that perhaps she could have children. In a fantasy realm that doesn’t seem to have contraception, that’s a solid DTF indicator.
The question was not “will they hook up,” but how the GOT creators would deliver a much-anticipated sex scene between a couple who don’t yet know they’re related. In a show known for graphic sex scenes, would this one be hot enough to make us feel okay about wanting it to be sort of hot? Or should we all be booking an extra therapy session this week?
Let’s break it down: After ensuring that he and Dany would travel north together on a boat, instead of having her fly in on her dragon as Jorah suggested (nice try with the cock-block, Jorah), Jon knocks on her cabin door, she opens it, they gaze at each other, and he wordlessly enters. Cut to: some other plot stuff. Cut back to: the two of them naked on Dany’s bed, making sweet love to one another to a soundtrack of Bran Stark describing how Dany is Jon’s aunt.
A review of the actual sex. So boring! Was anybody into it? Were we supposed to be pumped? I was emotionally confused, but also really bored — there’s nary a thrust. Nary a moan. Nary an erotic “you know nothing, Jon Snow.” Instead it ’s a PG-13 rom-com sex scene, with a quick glimpse of Snow butt (Jon Snow actually knows one thing: the benefit of squats) that ends in a loving gaze and a warm, nude embrace. It was the dry toast of sex scenes, deliberately staged to temper the fact that we’re watching a secret aunt and nephew rock the boat. And quite honestly I’ve never been so grateful for thrust-less, unsatisfying TV sex in my life.