This Year Kardashians Celebrated Christmas in October

Photo: Courtesy of E! Entertainment

This week’s special episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians: A Very Kardashian Holiday featured an A to Z plot of CHRISTMAS! Ho, Ho, Ho, Dolls. #LEGGO

Scene 1/Cold Open:

Christmas has come early in Calabasas, and along with happiness and cheer, it brought Travis Barker and holiday fonts! Kourtney hosts neighbor, and Kim’s ex, Travis, Kim Kardashian, Larsa Pippen, and all these people’s children. Per tradition, Kourtney hosts a gingerbread-house-making party for the kids, but what starts as holiday cosplay quickly transforms into a fight about light decorations at each respective Kardashian home. Kim’s convinced that Kourtney will, like last year, steal her idea for hanging lights, which she claims to have sketched, designed, invented, and patented. But Kourtney can’t help but laugh in Kim’s face — she’s never known her to do anything “creative,” except for her makeup line, which Kourtney is quick to add after shooting an “oops, I may have ruined your brand” look at Kim. This scene, the Kardashian’s annual gingerbread-house-decorating party for the holiday season, was filmed on October 1, 2017.

Scene 2:

Kris Kringle brings two of her children, Kourtney and Kim Kardashian, shopping at one of the family’s favorite holiday stores, Aldick’s. Kris FaceTimes Kylie to show her almost every pink decoration in the store, including pink elves, which she’s already bought by the dozen for her youngest child. Kourtney doesn’t like how much Kris “licks Kylie’s ass,” and thinks it’s about her being a big earner, but Kris admits it’s simply because Kylie spends time with her. Kim isn’t all that concerned with whether or not her favorite status is being replaced by Kylie, because she’s trying to shop in peace and find Christmas decorations that won’t be jacked by her mom or sister. Kourtney isn’t the only person who stole ideas from her last year: Kris is also guilty. Apparently, Kris copied the wrapping Kim used for her “packages,” which I assume is how the wealthy refer to gifts? So this year Kim’s instating a rule where no one talks about “vibes” for the holidays so that their “vibes” can’t be stolen. It’s obvious that the first rule of Christmas is not to talk about vibes! This scene was filmed on October 18, 2017.

Scene 4:

At Kris Jenner’s home, she and her family sift through their Christmas Eve party invite list. Kim’s officially taken the planning out of Kris’s hands because she thinks it’s gotten too out of hand over the years, with people they don’t even speak to showing up. The family thinks it’s the right time to really rule with a firm fist and cross off former loved ones from their list. Some families, like the Hanks, the Hiltons (“they’re fun!”), and the Crawfords made the cut. Sadly, all of the names so rudely bleeped out did not. Apologies, ******* and *****. Maybe next year, or never? This scene was filmed on October 16, 2017.

Scene 7:

Nothing puts you in the holiday spirit more than a shared hatred of family friends who more often than not ring your doorbell at 8 p.m. on Christmas night because their family time is over and they think it’s high time to crash yours. This holiday season, that family friend is Jonathan Cheban. He’s joining Kris as she does some holiday shopping in “disguise,” which is just a blonde wig, bold red lip, and embellished jean jacket. Kris chose a disguise because it’s so hard to go shopping like a normal person but her favorite thing about the holidays is buying gifts for her kids and grandkids! Dressing in disguise is the obvious solution for out-of-touch people, but I’d say no one is bothering them, not because they’re in disguise but BECAUSE THE STORE IS EMPTY!! To cap off their shopping spree, Kris rightfully attacks Jonathan with Silly String. This scene was filmed on October 17, 2017.

Scene 9:

At home, Kris Jenner chats with her mother, MJ Shannon, and daughter, Khloé Kardashian. MJ mostly sits in silence as Khloé and Kris still do damage control over The Great Pie Debate of 2015. In Thanksgiving of that year, Khloé apparently lied about baking her pies from scratch, when she really bought them from a local bakery. Khloé, who claims to bake every single one of her dishes from scratch, berates Kris for using a boxed cake mix for her famous lemon cake. Khloé thinks that her mom needs to be punished for this laziness and suggests a bake-off. In the bake-off, Kris will make her pre-mixed desserts and Khloé will make hers from scratch, with a panel of judges determining the winner. This scene was filmed on October 15, 2017.

Scene 12:

Khloé and a strategically placed mixer prepare for the bake-off against Kris Jenner. While Khloé cooks, Kim and the Cheban Who Stole Christmas come over to chat about the holiday pajamas the family will be wearing. While Kim loves the simple black-and-white design she’s picked out, Kourtney wants something with more holiday cheer. Khloé doesn’t really care, as she’s stressed about making award-winning homemade goodies to beat her mom in a made-up competition. And since this television program has essentially become one long Foodgod commerical, Jonathan inserts himself into the story line, saying he’s the only one fit to judge because he knows food. Khloé and Kim agree. Like Scene 9, this scene was also filmed on October 15.

Scene 13:

Showing that the holiday season isn’t all about gifts and family competitions, Kim and Kourtney take their kids to the Los Angeles Food Bank to feed the less fortunate. Even though the young ones aren’t exactly aware of what they’re doing, they take it all in stride and “feed the homeless” with their moms. The Kardashians donated their time and filmed this scene on October 18, 2017.

Scene 14:

Over in Calabasas, Kris and Khloé Kringle prepare for their bakeoff. Yet again, Khloé conceals her midriff with a mixer while she cooks her desserts from scratch. Kris, on the other hand, whips up a cake and brownies with the help of a box and a celebrity chef who has already sorted and measured out all of Kris’s ingredients. Baking this boxed cake seems like such an undertaking for Kris, who says she’s been using this recipe since she was 22! Khloé is baking with such ease (she even sings while she cooks! Honestly, Kanye who?) until she learns her cinnamon-roll dough didn’t rise properly, which may knock off a few points. Khloé’s not disappointed for long, because in no time she’s prepared an additional strawberry cobbler to accompany her cinnamon rolls. Those dishes will be competing against Kris Jenner’s lemon cake and brownies on season 1 of The Great Calabasas Bake Off.

The judges, Kourtney, Kim, Grandma MJ, and the dreaded Jonathan Cheban, file in to judge the dishes. They get right to work after the overly contoured Kourtney yells at Kim to “fucking leave,” after Kim complains about Kylie (who’s off-camera) talking. The group tastes and deliberates over the desserts, and they conclude that Khloé’s strawberry cobbler was the obvious winner, but they’d rather have Kris Jenner’s lemon cake on Christmas Eve. It is tradition, after all. This scene was filmed on October 16, 2017.

Scene 15/Scene 16:

In the most anticipated scenes of the night, Kris Jenner hosts her family for a pre-holiday Holiday Dinner, in honor of her mother, MJ, and cousin CiCi both moving to Calabasas. CiCi, who’s recovering from cancer, is one of the family’s few remaining links to the Kardashian side, since she’s actually Robert Kardashian Sr.’s first cousin. There was obviously a lot to be thankful for at this dinner, which is why Kris made everyone go around the table and express just that. Most significant: Khloé says she’s thankful for the many “generations” around the table, and Kylie is thankful for her mom, whom she holds in “high regards.” Yes, “regards.” Kris, too, is thankful for family, and as she wipes tears away, she says she’s especially thankful for the “faucet” that is her never-ending stream of grandchildren. Though she looks directly at Khloé and Kylie as she says this, neither she nor they make any mention of being with child. This scene was filmed just about a month after news broke that both Kylie and Khloé were both expecting.

Before the dinner is done, Kendall and Kourtney both arrive, and “Santa” follows soon after. As you’ll guess by looking into his vacant eyes, this Santa is none other than Jonathan Cheban. Kim is the only person who doesn’t realize that Santa is actually her best friend, and keeps telling her sisters that he’s giving her “weird” looks. While Kim struggles to realize that this man is someone she spends almost every day with (she later, through tears, realizes), the family heads to Kris’s backyard where she’s set up an ice-skating rink and fake snow for the family to enjoy. An additional surprise on the rink: Olympic ice skater Nancy Kerrigan, and yes, the question on everyone’s mind about why she was there and why this special even happened was: “why!?” This scene was filmed on October 15, 2017.

Merry Kristmas, Dolls! With the Kardashian’s holiday season out of the way, we can now look forward to meager celebrations with our families who will most likely not turn our backyards into a skating rink this season. See you next week for another #KUWTKE recap of Keeping Up With the Kringles. #VIBECLUB

This Year the Kardashians Celebrated Christmas in October