Cuffing season is upon us — a time of flannel, soups, and curling up next to whatever suitable mate you found for the cold, dark months ahead. But once cuffed-up, an important question arises: how to navigate sex when it’s too cold to be naked?
One minute you’re eating Thai food and watching Top Chef together on your couch and the next, boned up on Tom Colicchio’s icy blue eyes and stern but fair criticism of an overcooked risotto, you begin to fool around. When it comes time to disrobe, though, you both falter, cowed by the frosty air. You look at each other sadly, apologetically, and turn back to the TV — defeated and horny, but warm.
But fear not! Winter doesn’t have to be a time of cooking show–induced sexual frustration. Here are some outfits that will keep you warm on your visits to Bone Town (population, TBD).
Long johns: Lumberjack lingerie allows you to enjoy the toasty embrace of fleece while still providing easy access to your sex parts. Just unclip and go!
A baggy hoodie from college: Comfortable, sentimental, and loose enough that your partner can still feel you up. The truly experimental among you can even try wearing a hoodie as pants. Not only is there a hole between your legs, any partner capable of staying aroused while you look like some kind of bizarre, cotton beaver is a keeper for sure.
Ski masks: A face sweater that allows you to kiss while keeping the rest of your head warm, ski masks can also add drama and intrigue for a sexy role play where you’re both freezing 20-somethings who forgot to pay their gas bill.
Shapewear: A full coverage pair of Spanx with a hole in the crotch lets you enjoy the pleasures of the flesh, keeps you warm, and smooths out your figure.
A down coat: Sexy trench coats get all of the attention, but what about a floor-length hooded puffer jacket that you keep fully zipped? Wear nothing underneath, lie in the middle of the bed like a snow angel, and let your partner find their way.
A hat, gloves, scarf, socks, and fleece sweater (no pants): Like a sexy, wintertime Porky Pig.
Whatever the heck this thing is: Finally, the sweatpants of lingerie. When things start to heat up (pun intended!!) tell your partner you’re going to slip into something more comfortable, and come back out in this little number. For some kinky foreplay, ask your partner to undo the crotch snaps with their teeth.
