A Straight, White, Multi-millionaire Pop Star Had a Great 2017

2017’s no. 1 fan. Photo: ANGELA WEISS/AFP/Getty Images

On Wednesday, Taylor “Finger on the Pulse” Swift turned 28 years old, and she felt great about it. Not only did she feel great about her birthday, she felt great about the whole year! In an Instagram post on Thursday, Swift wrote “I couldn’t have asked for a better year, all thanks to you. Thanks for all the birthday wishes. Can’t wait to see what 28 will be like.”

Indeed, 2017 has been an exciting year for Swift. She’s openly holding hands with a Pisces named Joe Alwyn, she bathed in a tub full of Neil Lane diamonds, and introduced the world to the New Taylor who loves snakes, feuds, and Gothic lettering.

How has 2017 been for everyone else? Here are some highlights.

-A man who said he wants to build a border wall with Mexico, ban Muslims from the U.S., and has openly boasted about sexually assaulting women was sworn-in as president.

-At a concert in Las Vegas, Nevada, 58 people were killed and 489 injured in the deadliest mass shooting in U.S. history.

-Massive hurricanes devastated parts of Texas, Florida, and left much of Puerto Rico without power for months.

-Heather Heyer was killed while protesting racist demonstrators in Charlottesville, Virginia.

-Wildfires have engulfed southern California.

-A crushing, seemingly endless wave of sexual-assault allegations, while important, has forced many women to relive their own trauma on an almost daily basis.

And that’s just to name a few! But anyway, congrats to the now 28-year-old Taylor Swift for being the only person to enjoy 2017.

Straight, White, Multi-millionaire Pop Star Had a Great 2017