Paul Ryan Tried to Save Medicare by Having Sex 3 Times

By
Speaker Paul Ryan. Photo: Al Drago/Getty Images

Despite Steve Bannon’s reported claim that House Speaker Paul Ryan is a “limp-dick motherfucker who was born in a petri dish at the Heritage Foundation,” we can assume Ryan has probably had protein-shake-fueled sex at least three times, because he has three (3) kids. But even Ryan’s valiant and thrice-repeated efforts in the bedroom aren’t going to save entitlements like Medicare and Social Security, says Ryan. When talking to reporters about how the GOP plans to approach welfare and entitlement reform in 2018, the Speaker said other Americans need to step up their game. Via The Hill:

“This is going to be the new economic challenge for America: people. Baby boomers are retiring — I did my part, but we need to have higher birth rates in this country. Baby boomers are retiring and we have fewer people following them in the workforce.”


“We have something like a 90-percent increase in the retirement population of America but only a 19-percent increase in the working population in American. So what do we have to do? Be smarter, more efficient, more technology … still gonna need more people.”

In other words, if you want to enjoy Medicare, start having unprotected sex STAT so you can have a litter of children who will grow up and enter the workforce.

That means you too, Paul.

Paul Ryan Tried to Save Medicare by Having Sex 3 Times