satire

The Food Diary of an Anthropologie Shopper

Generally, food styling is supposed to make food look so appetizing, you’re willing to spend exorbitant amounts of money on dinnerware in the hopes that one day, you too will prepare an equally photogenic meal. But as Racked editor Alanna Okun pointed out on Twitter this week, billowy-top and whimsical home goods retailer Anthropologie has … missed that mark.

It is unclear who exactly Anthropologie has in mind when their stylists carefully place five eggs around a baking dish. Who is this person eating miniature pancakes with five utensils, carefully displaying a single cracker on a cutting board, and artfully arranging food around, but not in, their cookware??

We may never know. They probably don’t exist. But if they did, this would probably be what they ate.

Hydration

6 droplets of water administered with an antique-style water-dropper
4 mugs of mini-marshmallows

Breakfast

Two butter cookies stacked next to an overturned cerulean blue bowl

Snack

Seven almonds scattered carefully around an earthenware dessert plate with a painting of an owl on it, and a serene smile

Lunch

Three sprigs of thyme sprinkled around a serving platter, a bowl full of lemons, and a champagne flute full of sand

Snack

Gazing at your distorted reflection in a spoon and probably a whiff of an Anthropologie candle you bought on sale before Christmas

Dinner

Half of a fig placed on a cheese board, and five strands of spaghetti in a pot (because you’re still a feminist)

The Food Diary of an Anthropologie Shopper