good sports

What Song Would You Skate to at the Olympics?

Maia and Alex Shibutani, a.k.a. the ShibSibs.

Welcome to Good Sports, a daily bulletin on the Olympics viewing experience by Kelly Conaboy.

Ice skating is out of control. Mirai Nagasu is the third woman in history, after Midori Ito and Mao Asada, to land a triple Axel at the Olympics. Adam Rippon made his Olympic debut and received third place, even though he was soothingly and mesmerizingly flawless, and frankly, it’s rude. Russian 15-year-old Alina Zagitova is a terrifying ice-skating robot programmed for perfection, and she will no doubt give me dazzling nightmares for weeks. The “sibs” part of the ShibSibs is somewhat distressing, not that they don’t have our full love and support. And the Canadians were extremely sexual to Tom Waits and Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge.

The events of last night, multitudinous and varied as they were, brought up two important questions:

* What song would you skate to at the Olympics?

* And would you ice dance romantically with your brother?

If your answers are “Coldplay medley” and “yes,” you are the ShibSibs, and I’m sorry about what I said earlier. If no, please continue.

As you know, songs with lyrics are now allowed in the Olympics. This did not stop Canadian Gabrielle Daleman from skating to “Rhapsody in Blue,” however, so you should still feel free to choose “Rhapsody in Blue” if it is your main wish. France’s Maé-Bérénice Méité competed with a Beyoncé medley on Saturday, making you wonder why everyone else didn’t, so maybe you’d like a Beyoncé medley. If you won to Beck’s “Loser,” that might be something. “Never Is a Promise” by Fiona Apple would be beautiful, but sad. Nina Simone’s “Ne Me Quitte Pas” would be really sad. So. This is something for you to think about.

As for the second question, I trust that your instinct is no, but let me ask you this — what if your brother were very good? There’s the rub. What if the only way to compete in the Olympics were to ice dance romantically with your brother? Now you’re thinking about it. In my research for this question, I came across a Tumblr called Team Ice Siblings that, according to its mission statement, is dedicated to awesome siblings who pair skate and ice dance together:

“TEAM ICE SIBLINGS supports all brother and sister teams in Figure Skating and opposes prejudiced views against sibling partnerships on ice. This page is dedicated to awesome siblings who pair skates and ice dance together.”

A post submitted by Thea Fitzpatrick about the Canadian ice-dancing team Isabelle and Paul Duchesnay reads in part: “Their routines were sultry, smoking hot but never appeared incestuous.” Hmm. Okay. I am not judging and I never would.

Still, I would not dance romantically with my brother. But I would dance romantically with my dog, whom I have familial feelings about, so it’s similar. Like the Canadians, we would skate to Tom Waits, but we would choose “Picture in a Frame” from Mule Variations, and the lyrics would be interpreted to be about dog adoption.

Anyway. Congratulations again to Mirai Nagasu for landing a triple Axel!

What Song Would You Skate to at the Olympics?