Oh My God an Empire Records Musical Is Coming to Broadway

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Nothing left to sing about this time — it’s over now. The word is out. It hit the polls, claimed a place among the rest of today’s new things and last night’s shows, the have you heards and the did you knows, but I’ve got my place, will you be still and try to keep from buying but it seems … Empire Records is coming to Broadway!

Oh my god, it’s true. The 1995 cult classic featuring Renée Zellweger, Liv Tyler, Ethan Embry, Robin Tunney, Rory Cochrane, other people, Rex Manning, Harvard, the flippy skirt, Gwar, I’m bringing Rex his lunch, shock me shock me shock me with that deviant behavior, my name’s not … fucking Warren, quarters glued to the ground, what’s with today today?, when Renée Zellweger is just wearing the apron, Debi Mazar, DIET PILLS??, oh, DIET PILLS!, shaving your head in the bathroom, ooo-range, and lots of money … Joe’s money — is coming to Broadway. Thank god!

Rolling Stone reports original Empire Records screenwriter Carol Heikkinen will adapt the script for the stage, and here is what she told Rolling Stone about what the music’s gonna be:

There’s so much to mine and be inspired by. I’m a huge fan of Nineties alt-rock, and it was a really special time when that style intersected with punk, grunge and even pop. These styles can inform a score that is melodic while still feeling organic, visceral and explosive.

Okay, but personally I think it should just be all of the same music from the movie including but not limited to Coyote Shivers’s “Sugar High” and Gin Blossoms’s “Til I Hear It From You” and “A Girl Like You” by Edwyn Collins and “Ready, Steady, Go” by The Meices, and also “Bright As Yellow” by The Innocence Mission.

Yes?

Obviously, this is an extremely exciting development. But is it just another nostalgia-mining thoughtless cash grab in a media landscape full of cynical reboots? Oh my god, who are you — Debra? Ha-ha!

Oh My God an Empire Records Musical Is Coming to Broadway