political burns

The Best Trump Burns From James Comey’s ABC Interview

James Comey on ABC. Photo: ABC News

On Sunday night, former FBI director James Comey’s highly anticipated first interview since being fired by President Donald Trump aired on ABC. During his five-hour sit-down with anchor George Stephanopoulos (which was edited and condensed for the broadcast, though the full transcript is available online), Comey spoke about the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s private email server, touched on the importance of truth in leadership, and provided insight into the alleged pee tape from the Steele dossier — and he also served some pretty brutal burns about the president.

Here, some of Comey’s best Trump insults from his ABC interview.

On Trump’s overall orange-ness:

He looked — his tie was too long, as it always is. He looked slightly orange up close with small white — half moons under his eyes, which I assume are from tanning goggles. 

On the president’s stature* (*but note that Comey is six-eight):

My impression was he looked exactly like he did on television, except he looked shorter to me than he did on television, but otherwise exactly the same.

That time Comey basically accused Trump of taking a long time to get ready in the morning:

He had — impressively coifed hair, it looks to be all his. I confess, I stared at it pretty closely and my reaction was, “It must take a heck of a lot of time in the morning, but it’s impressively coifed.”

On whether Trump is fit to serve as president:

 I don’t think he’s medically unfit to be president. I think he’s morally unfit to be president.

About Trump’s request that he investigate the pee tape “if there’s even a one percent chance my wife thinks that’s true”:

I remember thinking, “How could your wife think there’s a one percent chance you were with prostitutes peeing on each other in Moscow?” I’m a flawed human being, but there is literally zero chance that my wife would think that was true. So what kind of marriage to what kind of man does your wife think there’s only a 99 percent chance you didn’t do that?

On whether Trump actually kissed him (when Comey tried to blend in with a blue curtain to avoid the president during an Oval Office reception):

He was going for the hug, going for the hug. And so I’m not an unusually strong person, but I work out and so I tighten my abs and my core and I’m thinking, this— “Unless he’s a lot [stronger] than he looks, he’s not getting a hug.” And so he pulls and he doesn’t get the hug. Our arms are tense and he gets just far enough that I get something worse than a hug.

Because he’s just able to lean up to put his face by my right ear — unfortunately, the cameras were on the left side of my face. And so the whole world saw him kiss me. And he didn’t kiss me, he said, “I really look forward to working with you.”

On Trump’s passion for continuously talking:

It was him talking almost the entire time, which I’ve discovered is something he frequently does. And so it would be monologue in this direction, monologue in that direction, monologue in a different direction.

Check out the full transcript here for more Trump burns — and some genuine gems like this:

The Best Trump Burns From James Comey’s ABC Interview