white house correspondents' dinner

Michelle Wolf’s Best Jokes at the 2018 White House Correspondents’ Dinner

Michelle Wolf.
Michelle Wolf.

Just like last year, a certain alleged president skipped the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. The yearly gathering used to be a time when the media and White House staffers to come together and chill. But this is an administration woefully bereft of chill, so once again, another former Daily Show correspondent hosted the affair, comedian Michelle Wolf.

“If 2016 taught us anything, it’s that we should be listening more to people outside of Washington,” said White House Correspondents’ Association president Margaret Talev. “And if 2017 taught us anything, it’s ‘Hey, that means women.’” If Wolf is any indication, what women have to say is downright filthy. I’ve seen many WHCD sets, and I don’t recall John Hodgman having jokes about what it looks like when Jake Tapper comes. It was ballsy and wonderful. Wolf walked up to the podium in a see-thru shirt under a tasteful pantsuit and delivered her opening remark: “Like a porn star says when she’s about to have sex with a Trump, let’s get this over with.” The comedian went after Trump for being sexist, a white supremacist, and poor. Here are a few of her best moments:

• “It is kinda crazy that the Trump campaign was in contact with Russia, while the Hillary campaign wasn’t even in contact with Michigan.”

• “Mr. President, I don’t think you’re very rich. I think you might be rich in Idaho, but in New York you’re doing fine.”

• “Trump is racist, though. He loves white nationalists, which is a weird term for a Nazi. Calling a Nazi a ‘white nationalist’ is like calling a pedophile a ‘kid friend,’ or Harvey Weinstein a ‘ladies man,’ which isn’t really fair – he also likes plants.”

• “Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn’t gay.”

• On the #MeToo movement: “It’s probably the reason I’m here. They were like ‘A woman’s probably not going to jerk off in front of anyone, right?’ And to that I say: Don’t count your chickens.”

• “Al Franken was ousted. That one really hurt liberals. But I believe it was great Ted Kennedy who said ‘Wow! That’s crazy! I murdered a woman.’ Chappaquiddick, in theaters now.”

• “Mitch McConnell isn’t here tonight, he had a prior engagement. He’s finally getting his neck circumcised. Mazel.”

• On Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who was sitting right next to her: “I loved you as Aunt Lydia in The Handmaid’s Tale. Mike Pence, if you haven’t seen it, you would love it.”

• “I’m never really sure what to call Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Is it Sarah Sanders, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Is it Cousin Huckabee? Is it Auntie Huckabee Sanders? Like, what’s Uncle Tom but for white women who disappoint other white women? Oh, I know, Aunt Coulter.”

• On CNN: “You guys love breaking news, and you did it, you broke it! Good work! The most useful information on CNN is when Anthony Bourdain tells me where to eat noodles.”

• “Megyn Kelly got paid 23 million dollars by NBC, then NBC didn’t let Megyn go to the Winter Olympics. Why not? She’s so white, cold, and expensive, she might as well be the Winter Olympics.”

The Best Jokes at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner