phoning it in

Why Does Michael Cohen Have More Than a Dozen Cell Phones?

Michael Cohen. Photo: Yana Paskova/Getty Images

When it comes to cell phones, I’m a firm believer that you only need one (1), as that piece of technology can presumably be used make and receive outgoing calls, send texts, maybe surf the web, download some apps, and do other cell-phone-type things. But President Donald Trump’s embattled personal attorney Michael Cohen apparently has … more than a dozen cell phones. What?

Federal prosecutors revealed in court on Thursday that the FBI already turned over “at least eight boxes of evidence, four cell phones and one iPad” that were seized in raids on Cohen’s home, hotel room, and office, according to CNN. The phones and documents are set to be reviewed simultaneously by an independent lawyer appointed by a judge and by attorneys for Cohen, who have been seeking access to the confiscated material.

There are also still “about a dozen” cell phones and iPads belonging to Cohen that the government expects to turn over on Friday.

So that’s about 16 phones belonging to Cohen, one human person. What could he possibly need all these phones for? Two of the phones are Blackberries, so maybe they’re just old, but here are some other ideas:

• Posting modeling pictures of his daughter on social media.

• Taking more pictures of the exterior of his passport to argue that he’s never been to Prague.

• Maybe one of the phones serves solely as a calculator to figure out payment information.

• Texting with his ~SeCrEt~ client Sean Hannity.

• Making prank calls from 16 different phone numbers.

• One of the phones could possibly have a meditation app to help him cope with the anxiety of being brutally humiliated by Trump at his son’s bar mitzvah.

Ahhh, the phone possibilities are endless!

Why Does Michael Cohen Have More Than a Dozen Cell Phones?