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On last night’s “Secrets Revealed” episode of Vanderpump Rules, where I get most of my medical advice, an unaired scene found Lala Kent explaining her preferred, out-of-the-box lubing methods: “I keep a water bottle by the bed and I literally just put it in the hoo-ha and, like, dump it in kinda?”
The other women were plainly horrified. Stassi, arguably SUR’s valedictorian, countered: “I think water dries it out…” But Lala was insistent. She added “It’s been working just fine for the past two years, y’all!”
But … has it been? In general, lube comes highly recommended by Planned Parenthood, but there are different types, and, notably, “just plain water in a water bottle” isn’t among them. Water-based lubes are the most common, as they’re safe to use with condoms and sex toys alike, easy to clean up, and non-irritating. (Silicone-based lubes, by contrast, can be used with condoms but not with silicone sex toys, which can degrade when used with silicone-based lubes.) But even though water is an essential component to many lube products, it won’t do a whole lot on its own — and it might actually work against you. Dousing your, uh, hoo-ha in water essentially washes away your body’s own natural lubricant, according to Idries Abdur-Rahman, a board-certified OB/GYN. That can lead to dryness, which can lead to tearing, which can lead to things like yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis.
There is a seemingly endless thirst for DIY/household lube alternatives, but Planned Parenthood warns against most of them, as lotions, baby oil, and Vaseline can be irritating, and can also break condoms. Plus, food-adjacent products also pose the risk of infection with repeated use. With store-bought lube so readily (and cheaply) available online, why not just use the thing for the thing it’s supposed to be used for? I love you, Lala, and we all know your man can afford to buy you the real deal.