Alert, alert: It’s time to call your mom, take shelter, and write out your last will and testament, because we are in the midst of some major royal-wedding drama. An as-yet-unidentified criminal mastermind has spray-painted the word “fork” around Windsor, England, 150 times!!!
Police, city officials and residents in Windsor, where Meghan Markle and Prince Harry are set to wed on May 19 (at the royal venue of Windsor Castle, of course), are on the hunt for a person who keeps on graffitiing the word “fork” around town. According to Express, the word has even been spray-painted along the route that the royal couple’s coach will take on their wedding day, as well as on signs for the castle. The town’s pubs — anticipating a ton of visitors for the royal wedding — have also had to cover up the graffiti on their properties.
The Thames Valley Police has been posting regular updates to its community-alert page. In a posting last week, the police wrote:
A witness reported seeing someone tampering with the temporary traffic lights. When they went to investigate, they had been tagged with the FORK graffiti. At least we now know the time of day this is being done. So far over £10,000 worth of criminal damage, to walls, fences, houses, roadside electrical boxes, vans — you name it.
On top of that, Windsor police source told Express:
It is fair to say this bloke is forking us off big time because as far as we are concerned we have our work cut out already on the big day. We are searching for two teenage offenders who have nearly been caught on a number of occasions and we have CCTV operators going through a lot of footage. We have been told that if there is so much as a single ‘FORK’ on the walls of Windsor Castle that the Queen will blow a gasket so we are guarding it very well.
Meanwhile, the graffiti appears to have been immortalized in an Instagram account with the handle of @forkgraffitiwindsor:
No word on what exactly the assailant is trying to say by their constant tagging of the word fork (are they hungry and in need of a utensil? Or as Daily Mail suggests, is the message possibly something derogatory about sex and/or poking a pig?). It’s also unclear whether this graffiti is actually a royal wedding gift of art for the happy couple. But we can only hope Meghan and Prince Harry are still able to marry under such trying circumstances.