Clockwise from center: Donald Trump, Jared Kushner, Rudy Giuliani, Ben Carson, John Kelly.
Thanks to a swift and unyielding press cycle, time has become more unknowable than ever. Scandals from last week feel like they happened last year; those from last year feel like they broke when I was but a mere babe, unencumbered by relentless political horrors and with my whole future shining ahead of me, brimming with possibility. This is all to say: Can you remember what these bad men in Trumpworld have done? Who spent tens of thousands of dollars on a dining set versus who spent tens of thousands of dollars on a phone booth? Who has a history of signing oppressive abortion bills and who once crashed a girl’s track meet to prove he could outrun them? This is the quiz for you.
What Did This Bad Man Do?
It's pretty straightforward: Guess what bad things these guys have done.
Yes! Obtaining his security clearance was reportedly stalled because he omitted 100 foreign contacts.
Close, but no. Obtaining his security clearance was reportedly stalled because he omitted the names of 100 foreign contacts for his FBI background check.
Yes! Cohen paid the now-infamous adult film star Stormy Daniels $130,000 to keep her from publicly discussing a sexual encounter she allegedly had with Trump in the early aughts. (Though Trump very much hates sharks.)
Not exactly. Cohen paid the now-infamous adult film star Stormy Daniels $130,000 to keep her from publicly discussing a sexual encounter she allegedly had with Trump in the early aughts. (Though Trump very much hates sharks.)
It's true — and he's since fiercely defended the practice of stop-and-frisk.
Nope, he actually advocated for the broken-windows theory and has vehemently defended stop-and-frisk.
Correct, Mike Pence is extremely productive in his role as a catastrophic asshole with some weird hang-ups.
Nope, he's actually done all of these things.
Yep, he did all of these things — and also has the distinct honor of being Mr. Louise Linton.
Nope, he did all of these things — and also has the distinct honor of being Mr. Louise Linton.
Yes, Sessions is yet another member of the Trump administration with multiple accomplishments.
Nope, Sessions is actually responsible for all of the above.
Yes, as our planet is dying, the man tasked with protecting our environment is perhaps the most hilariously scandal-ridden member of the Trump administration.
It's all of these — the man tasked with protecting our environment is perhaps the most hilariously scandal-ridden member of the Trump administration.
Yes, the man who declared that Trump is in "excellent" physical and mental health found his nomination for VA Secretary derailed when allegations emerged that he was drinking on the job.
No, the man who declared that Trump is in "excellent" physical and mental health found his nomination for VA Secretary derailed when allegations emerged that he was drinking on the job.
Yes, Stephen Miller was exactly what you'd expect him to be like in high school. Fun fact, though: He was once in the same student government election as the guy who went on to found mid-aughts party blog The Cobrasnake.
While no one can prove the other options aren't true, Stephen Miller was exactly what you'd expect him to be like in high school. Fun fact, though: He was once in the same student government election as the guy who went on to found mid-aughts party blog The Cobrasnake.
Yeah, no need for more options here since Haspel's about as terrible as it gets. And she's still not admitting it was immoral.
Yeah, no need for more options here since Haspel's about as terrible as it gets. And she's still not admitting it was immoral.
