Traveling by plane means paying too much money to subject myself to the indignities of packing all of my liquids into miniature containers, going through a draconian TSA security line, and then cramming myself into a tin can with a bunch of strangers 35,000 feet above the earth. It’s all worth it, though, when I can finally sit back, relax, and enjoy the nectar of the gods (that they also only ever drank on airplanes): tomato juice.
However, United Airlines — best known for violently dragging a man off an overbooked plane and then killing another passenger’s dog by forcing it to ride in an overhead bin — announced earlier this week that they would no longer be serving marinara sauce’s sweet virgin son. The decision, which is akin to banning crying to in-flight movies, was met with shock and outrage.
“Shame,” the masses cried, yearning to quench their thirst with cup after cup of free salsa drink. “SHAME! SHAME!”
And it worked! United caved on Thursday evening, explaining why in a statement to SFGate: “We want our customers to know that we value and appreciate them and that we’re listening. Our customers told us that they were not happy about the removal of tomato juice so we’re bringing it back onboard as part of our complimentary beverage offering.”
I’ll raise a glass of ketchup liquid to that.