nothing can terrace apart

This Episode of Terrace House Is Brimming With Exes

Photo: Fuji Television Network Inc./East Entertainment/Netflix

Konbanwa to the final episode of Terrace House: Boys and Girls Next Door, Part I! It was a slightly slow burn, as each season is, but boy (read: Yuudai), have we hit our stride. Like the episode before, this one did not disappoint. More life and love coming out of Shion and Tsubasa’s athletic loins, Yuudai in rare form, and Taka really embraced performing the character of Weird But Hot Step-Uncle That You Would Think About Bumping Uglies With Once Your Step-Aunt Went to Bed. Emmy-worthy content all around! Because Part II is burning a hole in my pocket, let’s get to our semi-finale right now!

Like me, our panel of celebs — Azusa Babazono, Yoshimi Tokui, You, Reina Triendl, Ryota Yamasato, and Shono Hayam — were all VERY happy about the content we were dealt the week prior. Despite the awkward tension at home after Yuudai and Ami’s failed date and their subsequent silent treatment toward one another, my celebrity icons couldn’t help but be impressed with Ami’s “obstinate” resolve to completely cut ties with Yuudai. They also felt a little bit bad for Mizuki, who was making a bigger deal than they thought should have been made about a text from her ex. According to Yoshimi, her ex’s text wasn’t “dry” enough, leaving both Mizuki and Ami “moist.” As I’m sure you suspected, this analogy left room for exhausting “moist” wordplay, which became even more shocking after learning later in the episode that “sex friend” may not have been appropriate on-air language. I’ll never fully understand the practices and standards of Terrace House, but God as my witness I will TRY!

Post-celebrity recap, the episode starts with Shion and Taka in the kitchen. The two aren’t alone for long, because a happy Yuudai enters. With remnants of their Yuudai conversation from the night prior lingering, Taka and Yuudai remain annoyed with the young boy. However, they listen to Yuudai as he explains how he ran into his ex and plans on going out with her on Christmas Eve. According to Yuudai, it was “pure coincidence” that they ran into each other, but the men Yuudai lives with don’t believe him and think there’s no way this wasn’t orchestrated. Shion tries hard not to roll his eyes or laugh, and Taka asks if the two of them really need to go out on Christmas Eve.

In Tokyo, Mizuki meets up with her “ex-boyfriend.” Last episode, he texted her saying “hi,” and the next thing she knew, he’d come to Japan from South Korea. Jeong Kim is a 33-year-old EILF (Ex I’d Like to Fuck) — fine as the day is long. Mizuki becomes overwhelmed by Jeong’s presence, and spends most of her time with him trying to downplay her attraction and amp up their past. According to Mizuki, he’s her ex-boyfriend, but according to Jeong, they dated for a little under two weeks. To Mizuki, that makes him an ex-boyfriend, especially since they “did the deed.” And, like, no matter their history, homeboy did hop countries for her. I mean, he did just get out of a real relationship, so maybe the proof is in Mizuki’s pudding, as in, Jeong just wanted some and she was the nearest pudding shop. While sitting with one another at a café, Jeong tells Mizuki that she’s “still beautiful” and says he doesn’t know what he’ll do all alone in a hotel with three beds. It’s “too spacious for one person,” he tells a blushing Mizuki.

Then, in a scene transition that’s as salacious as it is shady, we’re taken quickly to Ami, Taka, and Shion wondering about Mizuki’s current whereabouts. She hasn’t been home yet, so Ami texts to ask if she’s “doing the deed.” Soon after, we see Mizuki and Shion in a second restaurant location. Not long after, Mizuki claims that she’s “sleepy,” and she and Jeong depart. Oh, but that’s after Jeong tries out a new “line” he “learned” in Japan: “Wanna go now?” He obviously doesn’t have game, but the way Mizuki is blushing, he definitely has something else. I don’t blame her for hightailing it out of there and leaving a bottle of unfinished Moët on the table! Go ahead and get your blessing, Mizuki, baby!

While Mizuki is painting the town Jeong, Ami, and Tsubasa spend some one-on-one time with one another. And they spend it at Taka’s job, a RESTAURANT! That’s right, all this time we thought he was just packing up snowboarding gear and creeping on Ami, when really, he had a night job at a chicken joint! Go, Taka! Over Taka’s tender chicken, Ami and Tsubasa swap boy stories. Ami calls Taka a “nice uncle” and Tsubasa likes how Shion makes her feel happy, but she has no idea how he feels about her. They also wonder when Mizuki will come back home, as they haven’t seen her in a few days.

Just tickled … #YellowCard (which is what our celebs get flashed by production if they cross the line, i.e., almost say “sex”) over how meaty the episode has been so far, the celebrities can’t help but notice that Mizuki is still “moist” over her man. They — well, mainly Ryoto — think Ami has been far too crude when it comes to discussing Mizuki’s sex life. This is utter bullshit, because they, especially the men on the panel, continue to allude to her sexual activity in more abhorrent ways. They also shame her for deciding to have sex with this man at all. According to Ryoto and Yoshimi, Mizuki isn’t making a good case for herself as a long-term partner if she’s giving all the goods away up front. Kindly, and I hate to say this to my faves, give me a break before I knock your jaw in and you’ll never be able to say the word “moist” again!

Back from her Fantasy Suite, Mizuki finally returns home. Meeting Ami and Tsubasa in the girls’ room, Mizuki explains that she and Jeong did do the deed, but he told her he wasn’t down for a relationship. Ami thinks he’s just stringing Mizuki along, and even tells Mizuki that neither she nor Jeong will find “true happiness.” While I don’t think Ami is crude, I do think the heffa is evil and needs to fix her mouth before it gets fixed for her.

In the days following, Taka takes Shion, Ami, and Tsubasa snowboarding. Ami takes to the slopes like a demon in Heaven, but she just doesn’t blend in. As she falls up and down the snow, Shion and Tsubasa take some time to have a ski-lift date where they plan two more dates in the coming days. Shion wants Tsubasa to take him ice skating, and when he learns she’s free on a couple of days he asks if they can do two-day trips to the rink. My mans, securing the bag and locking in two dates. Google Calendar invites are shaking at Shion’s assertiveness!

After their double date on the slopes, Taka, Shion, Ami, and Tsubasa reflect at home. Giggly, they take turns asking one another how they “like” each other. Tsubasa wonders if Ami sees Taka as more than a cool uncle after seeing his snowboarding skills. Ami admits the answer is yes. When Ami asks how Tsubasa sees Shion, Tsubasa says he’s a “boy” who is a lot like her.

Before his Christmas Eve date, Yuudai has a pre-date meet-up with his ex, Sachina Okano. Sachina’s 18, and after dating Yuudai for four years, she’s grown out of his childish behavior. Sachina is a smart gal, and rebuffs all of Yuudai’s attempts to get back together. She says she knew the relationship was over when he signed up for Terrace House, and in fact, she has no interest in ever getting back together with him again. Yuudai isn’t taking her seriously, and as he slurps down a fruit dessert, he reminisces about Sachina taking care of him. Though she doesn’t remember doing this for him, he thinks back fondly on their days of her putting on socks for him. He honestly wishes a woman were there to do that for him now, which is shameful. Sachina, though speaking consistently with a giggle and smile, tells Yuudai that he’s “annoying” and “immature.”

Once home, Yuudai meets Taka in the boys’ room. While Yuudai was away, Taka had yet another talk with Shion about how he needed to have a talk with Yuudai about his goals. Finally, the talk time has come. And, it’s actually more of a lecture, because Yuudai does zero talking and just listens to Taka’s concerns. Taka tells Yudai that he worried the boy isn’t taking enough steps toward becoming a professional chef. He talks about feeling behind in his profession, especially compared to friends he’s gotten jobs for, but Taka doesn’t think Yuudai actually feels bad. Taka also tells him that he’s super inconsiderate, which is a terrible quality to have as a friend and a chef! Taka, the first Preacher on Terrace House, equates a chef anticipating their customer’s needs to Yuudai anticipating the needs of those around him, especially Sachina’s. After dumping her for a TV show, Taka thinks it’s poor taste for Yuudai to then pop back into her life just because he was turned down. If Yuudai just thought about how thoughtful he would need to be in order to pair a wine with a dish, maybe he could use that same feeling to pair the right actions with the needs of others. Taka leaves Yuudai, but only after admitting to being disappointed in him.

Yuudai saves all of his words for his friends, with whom he dines the next night. Shun and Jin listen as he makes a case for trying to win back Sachina. They think there’s a zero percent chance, while Yuudai is hopeful that Sachina will at least “think about it.” Still, like most, these two pals try not to laugh in Yuudai’s face as he paints himself as the Victim of Terrace House. Yuudai explains that his priorities don’t line up with the rest of his housemates. For instance, he doesn’t get why they get on his case for not cooking because “home-cooking” isn’t his specialty. Nor is he into washing dishes piece by piece, he’d rather wash them in bulk, and yes, he knows he forgets to do that sometimes, but still! This means that his goal is to leave the house soon, to which I say: GOOD RIDDANCE, DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT, YUUDAI! BYE, BITCH!

Thanks so much for joining me this season on my one true purpose: Terrace House recaps. Part II is LIVE, so who knows, maybe you’ll see me back here again very soon.

This Episode of Terrace House Is Brimming With Exes