totally soaked

Get in the Mood With Our Horniest Stories of All Time

Photo-Illustration: Jenny Sharaf

Totally Soaked: a week dedicated to summer horniness.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that summer is the Horny Time: Our libidos soar along with the temperatures. The Cut has dedicated a lot of content to quench that bottomless pit of thirst. From our most-read sex diaries to making friends at a nudist beach, here’s a comprehensive list of the Cut’s horniest coverage.

The Most-Read Sex Diary

We have a whole column dedicated to the horny lives of our readers. This one, about a divorced mom who cries happy tears after sex, is our most-read sex diary to date. Some of our other most popular diaries: “The L.A. Woman Looking Forward to a Threesome” and “The Family Man Attending a Sex Party With His Wife.”

50 Things Women Think About While Masturbating

Everything from frozen peas to Brokeback Mountain.

How to Arrange a Three-way With Your Partner

An account of one woman’s adventures into threesome territory, “an anything-goes, cotton-candy-filled, judgment-free trip to sexual Disneyland.” Mandy Stadtmiller writes:

Later, when she left, I asked Pat if he felt what I felt.

He did.

On FaceTime later, I jokingly asked her if she felt what we felt.

She did.

It stopped being a joke pretty quickly after that.

I’m Always the Wallflower at the Orgy

Anna Pulley on her experience at Girl Pile, a long-standing San Francisco girl-on-girl orgy, where her girlfriend is the resident sex-scene illustrator.

10 Men on What a Blow Job Feels Like

We asked men to mansplain the elusive quality of the blow job.

Talking Dirty Taught Me I Am Terrible at Talking Dirty

Mandy Stadtmiller attempts to re-create scenarios from trashy Kindle erotica, embodying the “bimbo” cliche with lines like, “Do you want me to show off for you?” and “I love dick.” Spoiler alert: It’s more cringeworthy than sexy.

How to Flirt and Make Friends at a Nude Beach

A lesson in naked etiquette from the Young Naturists of America, an organization for 20- and 30-something nudists that is also New York’s greatest untapped resource for respectful men. “How do nudists flirt?” Maureen O’Connor writes. “The same way porcupines have sex: Very carefully.”

Warning: A Column on Butt Stuff

The Cut investigates the rise of anal play, “the black licorice of sex. Those in favor love it, but those against regard it with disgust.”

Move Over, Butt Stuff: Hand Jobs Are Back

This piece, which declares that “the hand job is ready for its lubricated moment in the sun,” begins with a steamy scene from the show The Good Wife to recall those early days of sexual awakening.

“You are a constant source of surprise,” purrs the husky, tatted-up boyfriend of Illinois’s fake-married First Lady as she acts like a naughty schoolgirl beside him.

“I wasted the last 20 years; I’m not going to waste the next one,” she demurs with a reckless I’m-a-grown-woman-acting-like-a-teenager sense of abandon.

What It’s Like to Visit ‘Dr. M,’ New York’s Erotic Masseur for Women

Alexa Tsoulis-Reay spoke with three women about visiting “Dr. M,” a 40-something-year-old man with a day job and very, very skilled hands. “I’m not exactly sure what he does,” said one client, “but when he first touches my vagina it feels like he’s slowly peeling back layers.”

The Complicated Politics of Where to Come

This column, about cum and where it lands, begins with an anecdote of two men engaged in probably the most chivalrous cum shot known to journalistic records:

“I was getting a blow job, and when the time came for me to finish, I was like, ‘Where do you want it?’ And he was like, ‘Wherever you want it!’ And I was like, ‘I want it where you want it.’ And he was like, ‘But I want it where you want it!’” In the polite confusion over the direction of his penis, he said, he’d somehow ended up with it pointed at his own face. Some of it shot into his mouth — an accidental, and impressively powerful, hole in one.

How to Tell Your Partner About Your Fetish, Without Making It Weird

Some practical advice on how to take a blindfold and teddy bear from simple sleep aids to much, much more.

I Took My Partner to ‘Orgasmic Meditation’ Training

“You know shit is getting real when the old lady next to you cries out, ‘I just want to get naked and lie down and have sex on that table!’” We visited a class by OneTaste, the Silicon Valley–hyped “clit cult” devoted to “orgasmic meditation,” featuring live demonstrations of mindful sex.

The Glorious Power of a ‘Fat Ass’

On the cultural significance of the “fat ass,” Allison Davis wrote:

An ass can be so fat it defies all understanding of anatomy; at least seven rap songs report an “ass so fat you can see it from the front.” In verse, rappers want to hit it from the back, feel on it, dive in it, jump on it, throw money at it. They ask those who possess a fat ass to drop down low or bend over. More often than not, a fat ass grants most people the right to “get it,” despite circumstances that would usually prevent them from getting it. But that’s just the tip of the fat-ass iceberg — it’s capable of so much more.

The 10 Kisses Every Woman Knows

A kissing choreography breakdown. “A good kiss is like the quintessential Goldilocks tale,” Mandy Stadtmiller writes. “You don’t want too much aggression, too much hesitation, or too much tongue, for that matter. It needs to be just right.”

Which Hollywood Chris Is Which? A Handy Hunksplainer

Our practical field guide to appreciating all the square-jawed, blue-eyed, tall, sandy-haired Chrises in Hollywood: Chris Pine, Chris Evans, Chris Pratt, and Chris Hemsworth.

Rihanna’s Denim Thong: A Discussion

Cut staffers engage in a horny discussion about a much-debated Instagram post of Rihanna wearing a denim thong. A jong?

Pornhub and the American Sexual Imagination

In Maureen O’Connor’s New York Magazine cover story, she investigated the search habits of Pornhub’s wide user base, breaking down the colorful lexicon of the pornoshephere. Remember “Big Sausage Pizza?” You will now.

How Union Pool Became the Horny Utopia of 2000s Williamsburg

On the infamous Brooklyn bar and its mysterious mating powers.

Which Is the Horniest Emoji Face?

Beyond the standard winkie face, an investigation.

’Call Me by Your Name’ Makes a Great Case for Men in Booty Shorts

It may not have won the Oscar for Best Picture, but Call Me by Your Name was definitely the Horniest Film of Recent Memory. We wrote an ode to Armie Hammer’s golden-brown thighs and the erotic potential of the short-shorts, as well as a nod to a scene that changed the way we see stone fruit forever.

What I Learned on My Date With a Sex Robot

In this New York Magazine cover story, Allison Davis describes the cultural implications of uncanny sex-robot technology — and fondling the artificial penis of a bot named Henry:

I give the disembodied genitals a little hand job. The testicles feel almost real — the skin is soft and gently wrinkly; the ball itself is firm, but pliant … They aren’t 98.6 degrees, but if I close my eyes, it’s almost like I’m gripping the balls of a man who spends his days naked in front of an air-conditioning unit.

You Know He Got That Big Dick Energy

Allison’s deep dive into the phenomenon of BDE was our crown jewel of horny content this year. It nearly blew up Twitter, inspiring even Pete Davidson himself — the man who started it all — to repost the piece on his Instagram stories.

Get in the Mood With Our Horniest Stories of All Time