totally soaked

5 People on Their Most Regrettable Horny Moments

Totally Soaked: a week dedicated to summer horniness.

Surrendering to the heat of the moment can lead to a satisfying climax, but sometimes the sexpot inside us all makes truly stupid decisions. Here are five people on their most regrettable horny moments, from a blow job with bubblegum to a public pubic situation.

I Ruined a Wonderful Threesome Situation

50, Male, Businessman

When I was in my 20s I met a girl at a party. We started dating, and I found out she worked as a stripper. I thought it was great because she was gorgeous and loved sex. She had a roommate who was a stripper too. I’d hang out at their place because oddly enough we had similar work hours — I worked an 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. shift in a large investment bank and she would come hang out after her shift ended at 4 a.m. We’d end up going to her place after I finished work.

My girlfriend — I called her my girlfriend at this point — would sometimes suggest we do a threesome with her roommate. I usually resisted but one night it happened. The ladies were into each other and between watching their little show and joining in, I had a great time. The first time, I didn’t fuck her roommate but by the third time I was going down on both of them. We would take turns with each other. One night I was off work, and so was the roommate. We were hanging around watching a movie on the VCR (yes, you read that correctly). Eventually she asked if I wanted to fuck. I said yes and we did, and we fell asleep naked together when we were done. My girlfriend came home after her shift was done. I thought she would just join us in bed. I was wrong — she accused me of cheating on her with her roommate. There was screaming, things thrown and me, all confused. I didn’t understand that she didn’t want me to fuck her roommate without her there. Oddly enough, she didn’t get mad at her roommate. That night ended a wonderful setup. I wish I’d just gone to work …

He Couldn’t Remember My Name

45, Female, Marketing

I fucked a guy once who couldn’t remember my name. We had fucked before, after an online date — and chatted for a while afterward. But I guess the next time we met up, he just forgot? I was literally straddling him, and it somehow came up that he couldn’t remember my name. I fucked him anyway, deciding I would get off on the irony. He came really fast, which was a bummer. We didn’t see each again. I ended up regretting that sex, and I almost never regret sex.

A Blow Job Gone Bad

39, Female, PR

I once blew a guy with a huge cock who chewed gum the entire time. He never spit it out. Gross! Big Regret!

It Resulted in an STD

32, Female, Poet

I had a date with someone I met while catering a party on a boat — he was catering that night too. He was gorgeous, but there wasn’t a lot going on upstairs. However, he was hot and I was horny. The date ended back at his place, in the shower. My body felt on fire. He was a little resistant, which I thought was strange coming from a single, hot guy in his 20s living in New York City. I was naïve. I told him we didn’t need a condom — we were already naked in the shower and I was horny as hell. So, I got my wish, we had sex in the shower.

He gave me an STD, which turned out to be the reason he was resistant. I dealt with it and we never spoke again — we were never going to speak again regardless, but I just didn’t want to confront him or see him. It was all so deeply regrettable. I was SO STUPID.

I Asked Him to Shave Me

40, Female, Restaurant Industry

I went to L.A. for a work trip and met up with a musician friend, who hung out with bands and rockers all the time. He took me to this wild party in Laurel Canyon. We were drinking spiked punch; it was really strong and I got wasted. I’m a sexual person and when I drink I get horny. That night, I was horny on another level. Drunk, surrounded by real-deal musician types, a couple famous ones too, I just wanted to let loose.

After a few minutes there, in heaven, I consciously decided to do whatever the fuck I wanted to that night. I got wasted, I flirted with everyone. I made out with everyone. At some point I used the bathroom by the outdoor pool and there was a razor in there. I walked over to the musician I’d been flirting with and asked him to shave my pussy, right there in front of everyone. He did it, and I loved it. And then he went down on me in a slightly more private area, though still outside by the pool. I was unbelievably horny and wet … that’s all I remember. The friend who brought me to that party, I found out the next day, was disgusted by my behavior. He said I took the rock ‘n’ roll scene way too far. He said I was trashy and embarrassing. So I guess I regret it. But in the moment, it felt fucking fantastic.

5 People on Their Truly Stupid Horny Decisions