animals

I Want to Believe This ‘Big Girl’ Is 20-Feet-Long

A shark (not Deep Blue). Photo: Brad Leue/Barcroft Images/Barcroft Media via Getty Images

Have you heard of Deep Blue? She’s a big, beautiful, 50-something woman who spends part of her year swimming around Mexico’s Guadalupe Island, and she may very well be the biggest great white shark in the world. And despite what “scientists” and “academics” say, I believe in my heart of hearts that she is 20-feet-long.

ABC News reported that old footage of Deep Blue has been recirculating this week in honor of Discovery Channel’s Shark Week. The videos, posted on Facebook by shark expert Mauricio Hoyos Padilla, show Deep Blue gliding majestically around a shark cage while Padilla reaches out to “high five” her fin. (A little rude, in my opinion. Let the girl swim in peace.)

Padilla, who works on Shark Week, said he thought Deep Blue was “a pregnant female around 20 feet in length and more than 50 years old.”

That sounded right to me, based on my seven viewings of Padilla’s video, and the warm, peaceful feeling that washed over me when I closed my eyes and whispered “20 feet. 20 feet. 20 feet.” But George Burgess, director emeritus of the Florida Museum of Natural History’s International Shark Attack File and Party Pooper in Chief says Deep Blue is not pregnant, and is probably only “18, 19 feet.” WTF.

“It’s a very big white shark, obviously. One of the largest that has ever been seen in the water,” he proclaimed to ABC News. “I’m not sure it’s 20, I suspect it’s a little less than that. Perhaps 18, 19 feet, if I were to guess. The only thing I take umbrage to is that she was pregnant, I’m not sure that she was from what I could see.”

He added, “She’s a big girl.”

Uh, yeah, we know! Like, say, a 20-foot big girl. Look, whether Deep Blue is pregnant or not is her business, and unlike these two dudes I’m not going to wildly speculate about it based on old footage. But I really think she’s 20-feet-long, not 18 or 19, don’t you?

I Want to Believe This Beautiful Giant Shark Is 20-Feet-Long