unsolicited advice

Please Face It: Instagram Story ‘Unboxing’ Does Not Work

Photo: Michael Heim/EyeEm/Getty Images

It brings me no pleasure to say this, and I hope you don’t take offense; however I won’t attempt to police your emotions and I do encourage you to feel whatever feelings may come up over the course of the next 300 words or so, as it won’t do you any good to bottle them up, especially not now; at the moment it’s in our best interest to let our emotions out as they come in, free-flowingly, as to let them accumulate would likely lead to regular overflow, which would be dire. Please stop attempting to “unbox” things in your Instagram Story.

At the moment, the subject of most Instagram Story–related scorn is the new “questions” sticker feature, which allows friends to perform an approximation of celebrity beyond the approximation of celebrity they were already performing while quadrupling their average Story length. While this feature is bad, its badness reminded me of another Instagram thing that is bad: when someone attempts to “unbox” something, which is to take something — usually a product — out of a box, with one hand, while they film the attempted unboxing with their other hand.

No, no.

This is what the viewer sees: a hand attempting to open something with great effort, mostly failing, only, finally, giving a glimpse of the object it was trying to show in the very final moments of the Story segment. Very embarrassing. The unboxing is meant to increase suspense, but the nonstop blundering only provides unease. It’s painful for me, the viewer.

Please think of me.

Take this advice: Unboxing, if you must do it, is performed best when you do not have to do it with one hand while you film yourself doing it with your other hand, particularly when you consider the fact that to film for an Instagram Story segment requires you to hold down the button. It’s fine. Most do not have this level of agility, and you needn’t hold yourself to such a standard. You’re fine. Stop doing this, for your own good. I love you, and you can trust me. Thank you.

Please Face It: Instagram Story ‘Unboxing’ Does Not Work