Some people spend their free time tracing single dollar bills across the country — using their serial numbers to follow them from a local grocery store to the Gap, then losing them for a while when they fall into someone’s couch, only to have them pop up again at a Starbucks. But rarely do people ask about the life of underwear.
Sure, a lot of underwear is purchased in packs of threes from Target, or from nauseatingly neon discount bins at Victoria’s Secret, worn until it’s basically just a loose elastic belt with shards of fabric attached, and then tossed. But some underwear leads a more exciting life, like this Gucci G-string Kim Kardashian wore in an Instagram picture to promote her KKW Beauty Contour Singles. Technically, the Tom Ford-designed thong is “swimwear,” and it’s vintage, dating back to 1997. Also born in 1997? Kim’s sister, “self-made” lip billionaire Kylie Jenner, who just celebrated her 21st birthday with a raucous party where an Australian fitness blogger collapsed.
What life do you think that thong lived before Kim? How did it spend its youth? Was it nestled between the cheeks of a Miami socialite or buried in the buns of a competitive swimmer grateful for a less constrictive suit? Did it bounce around the country? Travel internationally? Or maybe it’s been based in California for most of its life. When did it finally end up in Kim Kardashian’s butt (and Instagram), and is it happy to be there?
Like most dollar bills and underwear, we may never know.