the perfect candle

The Perfect Candle for Tricking Guests Into Thinking You Just Took a Shower

Photo: Evan Robinson/Evan Robinson

Every candle is perfect for someone. The Perfect Candle is a weekly review of new candles that lets you know for whom, and why.

Have you ever passed a woman on the street and smelled her shampoo even though you were several feet away from her? I’m always very jealous of these women. Why they get to radiate their shampoo scent and others only smell like shampoo if you’re very close to them, if at all, is a question to which I do not have an answer. I do know one thing about it, though: It’s not fair. I want that scent-radiation ability. Why can’t I have it? It’s rude.

It’s rude.

One thing I can have, though, and, in fact, do have, because it was given to me for review, is this candle: Snowe’s “Rinse & Repeat.” It’s shower-y, which you can tell by its name. Here is how Snowe describes it on its website:

Fresh floral notes derived from the Calla Lily blend with green leaves and dew drops to create a refreshing, relaxing spa-like feel that can turn any bathroom into a calming retreat or fully invigorate your mornings.

Damn. A calming retreat or a fully invigorated morning? Clearly, both of those sound good as hell. But is the candle good as hell? Let’s see.

Is the candle good?

I love this candle. It smells, almost to an eerie extent, like someone has just taken a shower. Theoretically it has notes of calla lily, dew drops, and star anise, but to me it has just one note and that is: recently taken shower. It’s great.

I had it burning recently when a friend came over and I said, to the friend, “Isn’t this candle great? It smells like a shower.” And the friend said to me, “But didn’t you just take a shower?” And I said, “Yes, but you’re not smelling the shower, you’re smelling the candle.” And the friend looked at me with a face that was supposed to telegraph the fact that he did not believe it was the candle and thought, instead, that it was just the recently taken shower.

It wasn’t!

How much does it cost, and how long will it last?

It costs $30 and will last, allegedly, 75 hours. Seems like a long time but I guess Snowe would know better than I would.

When should you burn this candle?

Hmm. I guess the best time to burn this candle would be right after you’ve taken a shower. It seems unnecessary, because you’ve already got the natural post-shower scent, but this scent is better than a natural post-shower scent (without the humidity), and it would feel nicest to smell it while you’re freshly clean and getting ready for your day, or for bed, if you shower before bed, which I recommend.

I suppose another good time to burn it would be if you want to trick someone into thinking you’ve just taken a shower. I don’t know who would need this, though. Maybe if you’re a 9-year-old boy and your mom is always on your case about showering, or something like that, and you don’t want to shower but also don’t want to fight about it. Then you can burn the candle and be like, “Maa-hhhm, I did shower, can’t you smell it?” And then wet your hair in the sink. I’m not sure if a 9-year-old boy should be handling a flame, though.

Who should buy this candle?

That friend of mine I mentioned earlier should buy it, so he can realize he was incorrect and give me the apology I deserve. And maybe also the 9-year-old boy, depending on how responsible he is.

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