apocalypse now

I Have Amassed Compelling Evidence That We Are in the End Times

Bees. Photo: Eyewitness News ABC7NY/Youtube

We are, as you’ve probably guessed, in the End Times.

The signs that we are being punished by a higher power are all around us. Instead of blood rivers and boils and frog infestations, these modern, social-media-stoked plagues have come in the form of deceptively cute but aggressively horny French dolphins, moldy politicians Facetuning themselves into oblivion, and Grusk. There are the blood-thirsty beach umbrellas with one thing on their mind, and one thing only: murder, and rogue bands of goats terrorizing the lawns of Boise. There’s everything on Twitter dot com.

The latest scourge came Tuesday afternoon, when a gigantic swarm of bees shut down an intersection in Hell (Times Square) when they decided to hang out on top of a hot-dog cart.

According to the experts (Wikipedia) apocalyptic events have been predicted for 2019, 2020, and 2021, so keep an eye out for those. In the meantime, the bees have been rehoused somewhere further away from an M&M’s store, and us and the horny dolphins are still here, waiting for whatever descends upon us next.

I Have Amassed Compelling Evidence We Are in the End Times