On Monday, there’s a full moon in Aries, the sign of action and desire. This will stir up a potent, unruly energy—the culmination and the reward for all of your working and dreaming and building. You might feel moved to act impulsively and courageously, without fear of the future. Now that the moon is full, what does its clear light illuminate? What answers have you been given?
This is a week for living the way you need to live—for trusting your blood to move you, trusting your limbs to carry you, trusting your bones to know what your mind can’t see clearly. For now, you don’t have to analyze every movement you make, or wonder why you are the way you are. You don’t have to try to fix yourself or anyone else. It’s enough to trust that your inner life is powerful and deep. It’s enough to trust that your own energy is still wild and true.
Maybe you have this tugging, nagging feeling that you aren’t living correctly, that you’re not living up to other people’s expectations. Maybe you have this rising sense that you’ve let somebody down. It’s true that it’s important to live with generosity and care, but don’t let that make you think that you must be ready to change your whole body –to give away everything that matters to you –just because someone else asks. It’s already hard enough to live your own good life; there’s nothing you have to do only to please somebody else.
This week, the only way to really know yourself is in relation to the world. If you’re looking for insight, if you’re looking for truth, you don’t have to go diving into your dark, lonely depths. Step out into the world instead, and the world’s energy will rise to meet you. Work to understand the living, shifting world around you, and you’ll begin to understand yourself, too. This is how magic works: When you try to change the world, the world reaches back and changes you, too.
It’s important not to spend all your time alone this week, even if you dream of retreating to the forest or withdrawing from the world. You don’t have to go wild, and you don’t have to forget what quiet feels like — just don’t let the inside of your head become a vacuum, a tight and airless place. The world is bigger than you can control, and this is where its magic comes from. Let other people’s light reflect onto you, and let yours shine onto them. Isolating yourself won’t save you this week, but other people might.
You’ve lived more than one life by now; you’ve shed more than one skin and emerged new, weirder or brighter or stronger. It’s okay to feel some nostalgia for the lives you’ve lived before this one, for the people you’ve been. It’s okay to feel some terror at the thought that even now, the world will keep moving you, keep changing you. Wisdom isn’t always easy to bear, but it’s always worth it.
Sometimes it’s impossible to accept anything less than brightest, greenest, most golden outcome. But it can be a victory just to be able to keep living, to keep trying, to keep going at all. This week, try to reimagine compromise as meaning something other than defeat; try to reimagine negotiation as meaning something other than accepting less than you really need. Moments that seem insignificant at first can grow in importance. Tenuous, shaky connections can strengthen over time, surprising you, becoming stronger than seems possible right now.
As you move through the everyday places of your everyday life, notice how much bright beauty there is. Notice the elegant blue-gray shadows on the street, notice the sharp lines of your favorite building, notice the rich afternoon colors all around you. It’s not frivolous to seek out beauty when the world feels most unbeautiful, or to seek out color when the world seems most dull. You can paint your room, you can go to the museum, you can leave the city and drive to the coast — whatever it takes to remember what lush magic the world holds.
Your eyes might keep catching on everything that sparkles or catches the light; your ears might keep lingering on the songs that sound sweetest. Feel your senses attune themselves to whatever feels softest against your skin. This might feel strange–it might feel too easy–but this week, it’s okay to follow your senses where they lead you. A desire for softness or balance is still desire, and it can feel as intense as any other. Don’t try to transcend your own human needs; don’t try to outsmart your own human body.
If you find it difficult to make decisions this week, try not to blame yourself too much. Don’t imagine you should be able to muscle your way through every impasse, every difficulty. If the sky, or the earth, or your own instincts are telling you to hold still for now, then try to hold still if you can. Time is still a mystery, stretching and bending, and everything doesn’t need to happen at once. Maybe you’re waiting for more information; maybe you’re just waiting for a sign.
You might feel a snarl in your desires—as though the things you need are in direct competition with each other, as though the emotions you feel can’t all exist in the same body. Try not to worry that there’s something wrong with this. Your job isn’t to be simple or easily known; now is the time to become ever more complicated, more rich, more real. If your insides feel tangled, don’t blame yourself or wish you were different. Just focus on loosening the knot in your heart enough that you can breathe.
This week, you might feel yourself returning to Earth after a long time spent floating, your thoughts far above the Earth. Or else, you might feel yourself emerging from a place of solitude, or from a long, quiet period of uncertainty. It’s strange to emerge into the daylight again after such a long time underground — the sunlight will seem brighter than before, the streets busier. Other people are unpredictable and strange, but they can help you call the energy back into your body. They can remind you that you’re still alive.
Remind yourself as many times as you need to that it’s okay to be confrontational, and it’s okay to be a little difficult. It’s not the worst thing in the world to live without getting the approval of everybody you know, of every last person who passes you on the street. Sometimes, staying true to yourself feels as thrilling as flight, and sometimes it feels like a comfortable blanket, and sometimes it’s difficult. Sometimes even freedom takes work.