how dare you meghan

Meghan Markle Has Gone Too Far

Meghan Markle. Photo: Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images

I regret to inform you that Meghan Markle has gone too far. The actor and royal who once held the heart of her public has thrown it (the heart) away with the flick of her formerly beloved wrist, slamming it to the ground as if it were the door of a car lodged in the ground. It brings me no pleasure to say so but it is simply the truth: On Tuesday, attending her first solo event at the Royal Academy of Arts, the Duchess of Sussex closed her own car door.

We are as dismayed as you are, and as every other media outlet is.

“Meghan Markle leaves people in shock as she shuts own CAR DOOR on first solo engagement”Express


“Meghan Markle Defied Royal Protocol at Her First Solo Event and Closed Her Own Car Door”Marie Claire

They say when God closes a door, he opens a window. It is lucky for God that he is not technically considered a member of the royal family as at least one of these actions is not actually against protocol but is apparently non-regular in some way and would cause him to be slaughtered by the press.

“Why Meghan Markle Shutting Her Own Car Door Is So Surprising (Really!)”People


“Meghan Markle Closed Her Own Car Door at Her First Solo Event and Twitter Is Amazed”Harper’s Bazaar

Amazed at the lack of propriety, perhaps.

“Meghan closes a car door” —BBC


“Twitter Is Really Praising Meghan Markle for Shutting Her Own Car Door” Glamour

Twitter — the horrific mass of trolls.

“Meghan Markle Shut Her Own Car Door & the Internet Can’t Handle It” —CafeMom

Must we deal with this unseemly act? On top of everything else? May we not have a moment’s rest?

“Meghan Markle Closes Car Door, Internet Goes Berserk”Inside Edition

We are so tired, here on the internet. Meghan Markle has pushed us past our brink. We are continually finding new depths.

“People are freaking out that Meghan Markle closed her own damn door” —Mashable

We’re screaming and digging at the earth with foaming mouths.

“Meghan Markle Still Remembers How to Close a Car Door” —KDSK

It was not Death, for I stood up,
And all the Dead, lie down —
It was not Night, for all the Bells
Put out their Tongues, for Noon.

“Meghan Markle closes door, rubs noses on first solo engagement”SFGate

It was not Frost, for on my Flesh
I felt Siroccos — crawl —
Nor Fire — for just my Marble feet
Could keep a Chancel, cool —

“Meghan Markle closed her own door, to the delight of fans” —Washington Post

And yet, it tasted, like them all,
The Figures I have seen
Set orderly, for Burial,
Reminded me, of mine —

“Why Meghan Markle Shutting Her Car Door at Oceania Was So Surprising”International Business Times

As if my life were shaven,
And fitted to a frame,
And could not breathe without a key,
And ’twas like Midnight, some –

“Why Is Everyone Flipping Out Over Meghan Markle and Her Car Door?” InStyle

When everything that ticked — has stopped —
And Space stares — all around —
Or Grisly frosts — first Autumn morns,
Repeal the Beating Ground —

“Meghan goes against royal protocol: Closes her own door!” —AOL

But, most, like Chaos — Stopless — cool —
Without a Chance, or Spar —
Or even a Report of Land —
To justify — Meghan Markle closing her own door.

“Video: Meghan Markle breaks royal tradition by closing her own car door”Daily Mail

What have we done to deserve this from our Duchess of Sussex?

“Why Meghan Markle Caused Such a Stir by Shutting a Car Door”Vanity Fair

Perhaps because there are some who care about propriety.

“Kate Middleton Has Closed Her Own Car Door Before So Everyone Calm Down”Harper’s Bazaar


“Meghan shuts her own car door shock: America’s duchess is hailed as ‘humble and down to earth’ after social media goes nuts over simple, everyday gesture”Daily Mail


Indecent: Meghan Markle Closed Her Own Car Door