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Two T-Shirts for Smart People

Photo: Courtesy of Amazon.

As promised, new and timely slogans that we’re thinking about a lot will be added to the Cut Shop each week. Here are our latest additions.

The Cut staff did a lot of hard thinking this week. Big thoughts.

On Wednesday, having heard that John Mayer has slept with “a soft 500” women over the years, we put our heads together to come up with an mathematical equation to put this very-large number in perspective. In other words, we did the sex math, which is as follows:

500 women (+/-x) / 17 years of having sex = 30 women/year, with (+/-x) factored in because of “soft.” Given there are 52 weeks in a year, that means Mayer has slept with less than one woman per weekend.

After doing some investigating, though, and learning that Mayer said “sub” 500, not “soft 500,” as originally reported, we decided to use a limit equation for the sex math instead, as we’re assuming that the number of women Mayer has slept with is approaching 500. So:

Lim x → 500 = (365/17), solving for x yields 25 women/year. This means that Mayer had, at most, sex with a new person every 14.4 days.

It’s a lot, we know. But we checked the work, and the sex math is solid. If you, too, take pleasure in sex math, below is a T-shirt for you.

Our brains hungered for more, though. More numbers. More truth. Which brought us to the question of morning alarms and bedtimes. Is it better for one to wake up insanely early? Or go to bed at 8:45 p.m? And where do night owls stand? This lead us to debate the best and worst times of day. It was decided that afternoons are the worst. Well, depending on the day. But ultimately, any opinion on times of days is inconsequential because all time is death.

So, if you like numbers and want to avoid death, here is a T-shirt in honor of the Cut’s totally-unofficial Time Week.

See all the Cut Shop T-shirts, here.

Two T-Shirts for Smart People