soup is ghoul food

Ted Cruz’s Halloween Tweet Should Have Been About Soup, Not the Zodiac Killer

Photo: George Frey/Getty Images

Just as he did last year, Ted Cruz has posted a Zodiac Killer joke on Twitter to delight his followers for Halloween. He is actually in on the joke, you see, and aha-ha, aren’t we all having fun together, and how about that Beto guy? Man, who is he, Mick Jagger? Or what? Aha-ha-ha.

If you do not “get” it, the joke is in acknowledgement of a meme that posited Ted Cruz is the famed “Zodiac” Killer (rather than just a boring old “regular” one). Very funny, and very spooky. But what I think would have been a bit better — and spookier — is if he dressed as soup and said in the tweet, “I’m soup.” Do you agree?

Maybe if you don’t agree, you’re forgetting the scary story about when he bought 100 cans of soup after he returned from his honeymoon with his new wife, Heidi Cruz. Heidi told the story during a CNN town hall in 2016, and I will remember it forever, but in case you somehow forget here it is, via Gawker (future a.k.a. “Old Gawker”):

When I married Ted, we got back from our honeymoon, and he went off to the store and came home by himself. And I was completely shocked to see that he arrived back at our apartment with literally 100 cans of Campbell’s Chunky soup. I never bought 100 of anything.

This was shocking to me, so we had a tough conversation about it. I said, “You don’t buy 100 of anything, much less canned soup. We can’t do this. I’ll be making things.” He said, “No, I know you. You won’t be making things.”

So the next morning, it was a weekend morning, I loaded up our car before he woke up and returned every single can. And when I got home, I called my mother just to make sure I’d done the right thing as a newlywed. And she emphatically disagreed with me. And so when Ted opened the pantry, I had to quickly tell him that I would go back and buy those cans again.

Ah-huh. In … deed. Yes, yes. So glad we could clear that up, both “we” meaning you and me, and “we” meaning Heidi, Heidi’s mother, Ted, and the 100 loose (?) (I have to imagine he bought them in cases, but if they were already in the pantry they must have been loose?) cans of soup.

As you can see he should have been soup and said, “I’m soup.”

Ted Cruz’s Zodiac Killer Tweet Should Have Been About Soup