the perfect candle

The Perfect Candle for Replacing a Man With Just His Scent

Photo: Courtesy of Murdock

A life without men is an increasingly enjoyable escapist dream. I’ve thought about it and I think the only things I’d miss in a manless world are: the joy of deciding to bail on plans with your boyfriend’s friends, and the scent of a man when he has decided to smell good. And Domhnall Gleeson!

Luckily, for when Tank Girl time comes (but instead of no water it’s both no water and no men), we have this new candle: Murdock’s “Black Tea.” It doesn’t smell like skipping out on a night of listening to your boyfriend and his friends talk about something that happened in college, but it does smell like a man. Here’s how Murdock describes it:

Murdock London’s Black Tea fragrance is an evocative, masculine blend of spices, leather and tobacco. It is satisfyingly rich in scent and won’t overpower the senses. Light it up and create an atmosphere to relax and unwind.

Mmm, a satisfyingly rich scent that doesn’t overpower the senses? That sounds just fine!

— But is it?

Is the candle good?

Yes, it smells like shaving cream. Which I love! It’s odd to me that the description is “a masculine blend of spices, leather, and tobacco” and not just “shaving cream,” but I suppose it’s always nice to imbue your product with a little bit of mystery. To be fair, I also get some leather in the scent. Like you accidentally walked into a room an elegant man deemed “a man cave” and everyone in there was shaving.

Murdock tells me the candle came about because it’s the signature scent of their barber shops — this checks out (it smells like shaving cream) — and customers liked it so much that they (Murdock) decided to make it into a candle. I love it and I wish Home Depot would do this, and also Payless.

How much does it cost, and how long will it last?

It costs $60 and it will last “up to 60 hours.” It also has a double wick, which is interesting. Another interesting feature: the wax is black and so is the vessel. This is, I assume, to make men feel more comfortable displaying the candle in their homes. They are so fragile. It does look nice, though.

When should you burn this candle?

After the apocalypse, when only women have survived. You can light it and remember (now somewhat fondly, knowing that it’s over) the male-laden world of the past. Ahh. The memory fades more each day.

Or you can burn it just when you’re relaxing with a glass of wine, but you’re still in your clothes from work. Or in the morning, because it smells like a mourning routine, which is nice. A few options.

Who should buy this candle?

Tank Girl, or anyone who likes the smell of their grandfather or just shaving cream in general. Alternately you can buy it for your boyfriend — again, he won’t be ashamed to keep it around because of its manly facade. Oh, Tank Girl can buy it for Booga!

The Perfect Candle for Replacing a Man With Just His Scent