Numbers are generally confusing, but they can also help us make sense of things, namely John Mayer’s life.
We learned this last month, when Mayer provided us with the numerical evidence needed to do the math on his sex life. And now, in a new interview with Complex, Mayer revealed that he did the math on himself after a long night of drinking. Needless to say, the results were sobering.
In conversation with fashion designer Jerry Lorenzo, Mayer reveals that he’s been sober for two years — ever since he went a little too hard at Drake’s 30th birthday party. “I made quite a fool of myself,” Mayer says of the “last night of [his] life drinking.” We’ll spare him the hangover math, (and the obvious astrological influence of Scorpio season), but he claims that this particular hangover lasted six whole days.
Mayer continues:
I remember where I was. I was in my sixth day of the hangover. That’s how big the hangover was. I looked out the window and I went, ‘Okay, John, what percentage of your potential would you like to have? Because if you say you’d like 60, and you’d like to spend the other 40 having fun, that’s fine. But what percentage of what is available to you would you like to make happen? There’s no wrong answer. What is it?” I went, “100.”
After realizing that he wasn’t living his full potential, Mayer saw the Matrix. “We don’t have to talk anymore,” Mayer told the voice in his head — the one that apparently is a math genius. “I get it.” That next year, he did four tours, was in two bands, and was even “happy” on airplanes.
In the process of solving his drinking problem, Mayer also unlocked his ability to do existential linear equations. He adds:
So what happens when you stop drinking? The level feels like boredom at first. But if you stick with it, the line straightens out and it goes kind of low. You’re like, “Oh, I’m not having these high highs.” But if you work, you can bring the whole line up.
It’s safe to say that most of us aren’t operating on John Mayer’s level, but we all do some internal calculation when we’re hungover — namely, how much effort will it take to get out of bed? Next time, though, we’ll be sure to consider the John Mayer Sober Math. Honestly, 75 percent seems fine.
