For a few days now, the internet has been seized by a mania over Knickers, the big cow, who is beloved simply for the fact that it is big and a cow. On Wednesday, however, the Washington Post attempted to intervene on everyone’s fun, with a post filled with information nobody asked for: namely, that Knickers is not actually a cow, but a steer, and also might not be that big, technically speaking.
A steer, the Post and its experts explained to us, is a male cow. Not only that, but the particular breed that Knickers is (a Holstein) are usually quite large, growing to be an average of six feet tall. They also pointed out that the other cows (not steers) are a different breed, who only average in at four and a half feet tall. So it’s an exaggerated difference in height. Even so Knickers, weighing 2,800 pounds and being six-foot-four-inches tall, is a pretty big fella.
Unsurprisingly, no one wanted this clarification. Even the Post knew that, tweeting “(we will not be reading the replies to this tweet, thx)” after writing that “the big cow is a lie.”
Hundreds of people responded to the story, issuing various cow puns of discontent. “COWards,,,,,,” wrote one Twitter user. “MOOO… I mean BOOO,” wrote another. “Bullshit,” someone else added. Others described the story as pedantic, and called the report “disgraceful.”
Listen, facts are important okay? But right now, let us enjoy Knickers the big cow without throwing in technical terms. Please, just let us have this one thing.