satire

Meghan Markle Has Gone Too Far — Again

Noooooooo! Photo: Joe Maher/BFC/Getty Images

I regret to inform you that Meghan Markle has once again gone too far. The former actor and current royal has taken her elegant hands and done something truly shocking. I have no choice but to tell you the true state of things, which is thus: Meghan Markle wore dark nail polish to the British Fashion Awards.

Please know my heart is as pained as yours.

“Meghan Markle breaks another royal protocol, wears dark nail paint at British Fashion Awards” —Economic Times

Tell me it isn’t true.

“Meghan breaks royal protocol during surprise appearance” —News.com.au

Tell me this is a dream. Please. Tell me I’ll wake up soon.

“Meghan Markle Just Broke Royal Protocol at the British Fashion Awards” —Cosmopolitan

This happens sometimes. I’ll lie asleep, trapped in a nightmare. With quick breath and a panicked mind I’ll beg and beg and beg for wakefulness; try to ease myself, tell myself it’s just a dream.

“Meghan Markle broke royal protocol with an ‘absolute no-no’ — here’s why” —CNBC

And sometimes it seems the nightmares last for ages, but I always wake up. Until now I’ve always woken up. Please, please tell me I’ll wake up. Tell me Meghan Markle did not break royal protocol with an absolute no-no.

“Are Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton Really Breaking Protocol When They Wear Dark Nail Polish?” —Elle

It’s just too much to bear. I can only be so strong. I can only take so much before I break.

“Meghan Markle breaks royal protocol but still stuns at the Fashion Awards” —The National

Don’t tell me the pain will make me stronger — I don’t want to hear it. Not right now, at least. Not right now while I’m still reeling. I don’t mean to snap at you, and I’m sorry for my temper, but I feel so lost. I know Meghan Markle still stunned but it does not make a difference; it does not change how I feel.

“Meghan Markle Finally Broke This Royal Rule — & We’re Thrilled” —Refinery29

Was waking life a dream? Have I fallen asleep to my reality? Tell me it isn’t so. Tell me the darkness will lift.

“Meghan Markle breaks royal tradition again at British Fashion Awards” Fox News

Again. Again, again, again. Always again. When will it stop? Please, tell me I’ll wake up from this horrific nightmare soon. Please tell me it’s almost over. Please let the daylight wash over me; let the dream fade from memory like steam rising from my “cuppa.” Please tell me it was all a dream. I’m begging you, please. Please.

“What? Kate Middleton also sneakily broke the royal protocol?” —Pinkvilla

What??????

“Kate Middleton Has Also Worn Dark Nail Polish and We Barely Noticed” —Harper’s Bazaar

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Help, Everyone Is Saying Meghan Markle Broke Royal Protocol