i love the holidays!!!!!

All I Want for Christmas Is a Replica of My Own Head

Gucci fall 2018. Photo: Photo Illustration by Stevie Remsberg/Photo Getty

As we march toward the end of 2018, I am reminded that life’s greatest luxury is not expensive holiday gifts or gout-inducing food and alcohol, but time itself.

Yes, we could all use a little more of it: More hours in the day, and more versions of ourselves to enjoy them. I found myself saying, “I wish I could be in two places at once,” more than once this year. And I’m not talking about making a finstagram account.

Back in February, designer Alessandro Michele made this wish a reality when he sent models carrying replicas of their own heads down Gucci’s fall 2018 runway in Milan. Inspired by the heady (sorry) writing of both Foucault and Donna Haraway, the theme of the collection was “cyborgs.”

Gucci fall 2018. Photo: Venturelli/WireImage

The Gucci Cyborg has no fixed identity or place of origin. Instead, it is a “hybrid” with “eyes on its hands, faun horns, dragon’s puppies, and doubling heads,” as the show notes described. It is a “biologically indefinite and culturally aware creature” — a “symbol of an emancipatory possibility through which we can decide to become what we are.”

That all sounds nice and good, but I’m mostly interested in the practical uses of a second head. I’d use one head to scroll Twitter and another to instantly generate memes. With two heads, I could finally finish all six seasons of Nashville, although I’ve heard it goes off the rails after season three. Plus, I’d always know if and when my roommate was stealing my peanut butter.

When I asked my colleagues what they would do with a second head, they suggested it would be useful to give one bangs, just to see. Another said she would use it to fake her own beheading (the ultimate sick day excuse). And of course, it would be nice to give yourself a kiss once in a while.

This fall, I emailed the Italian special effects firm Makinarium to inquire how much it would cost a girl like me to get a head like Gucci’s. They got back to me almost immediately and were very accommodating. They said Gucci’s budget was around €25,000, but that they could whip one up for me for about €10,000, depending on what kind of eyes, hair, and teeth I had. They suggested that if I got my eyes and mouth closed, I could save some money. My curly hair was going to cost me, though. Story of my life!

Sadly, I don’t have €10,000, or approximately $11,368, to spend on a replica of my own head right now. But if I did, I’m sure it would be very beautiful.

All I Want for Christmas Is a Replica of My Own Head