Intentionally kitschy holiday decorations have had something of a renaissance of late. Not one for décor? Not to worry — gaudy string lights in the manner of the Stranger Things–distress wall, and other seasonal paraphernalia straight out of an Urban Outfitters Instagram post, are quick, easy, and will turn your apartment into a millennial wonderland. But some holiday cheer is too confusing to even get the “spirit of the season” pass. To illustrate my point, may I please direct your attention to the Port Authority’s attempt at sprucing up the New Jersey–side entrance to the Holland Tunnel?
Once again, the powers that be have decided that the best way to wish commuters a happy holiday is to affix one perfectly acceptable wreath and two oddly placed cohorts to the Holland Tunnel’s sign. The shrubbery effectively turns the thoroughfare into the “Hollaad Tonnel,” as the Cut’s Kelly Conaboy dubs it.
But this year, one brave citizen is taking a stand. The New York Post reports that a new Change.org petition is asking the Port Authority to simply “move the Christmas Tree on the Holland Tunnel from the ‘n’ to cover the ‘a’.” Okay, we’re at “Holland Tonnel” — halfway there!
“Every day, New Yorkers and New Jerseyians have to pass through these gates to get to the city of New York and they are forced to stare at this OCD nightmare,” petition creator Cory Windelspecht explained in a corresponding video on Facebook. “When the tree is moved over to the letter A, this world is going to be a better place.” According to News 12, he is set to present his case to the Port Authority Board of Commissioners on Thursday.
But honestly, why stop there? There’s plenty more the Port Authority can do to double-down on the seasonal accouterments. My colleague Kelly suggests: “They can keep the first O as a wreath. The Ls should obviously be candy canes. The A should be a tree shaped like an A, with the line in the middle also. In ‘tunnel,’ the U should be a Santa beard. The Ns should have little Rudolph noses at the lower bend. And, of course, the final L should be a candy cane.”