sex diaries

The Woman Who’d Rather Not Commute to a Date

Photo-Illustration: James Gallagher

This week, a recent college grad looking for a date close to home: 22, single, Brooklyn.


6 a.m. I wake up and go for a run. In my ideal world, this is what every day is like. In reality, this happens once every two months.

9:30 a.m. I’m at work on time! I work in a government office and really like it. I’m planning on going into politics/government/public service of some kind.

7:30 p.m. I take the L to Williamsburg for a first date with a guy I met on an app. I’m constantly busy, with work, studying, socializing. Like 80 percent of my college friends moved here after graduation, so between them and their friends, there’s always something to do

9:10 p.m. The date, T, finally arrives. We stand at the bar for a while before I snag a table. He’s cute but not on my level intellectually. I’m thinking it’s a meh date.

I don’t feel the itch to get into a long-term relationship because I’ve known for a long time that I don’t want kids, and I’m in a transient space career-wise and life-wise. Not the time for monogamy.

11:09 p.m. R, someone I’ve slept with a few times, texts to ask how my weekend was. I told him I went to the Mitski concert, and joked that I needed eight more piercings and three more tattoos to fit in. He says my curves drive him “INSANE.” He earns the nudes I Snapchat him for the next hour as I masturbate. We make plans to meet up later this week.

I like R. He’s a little more bro-y than other guys I’ve been into, but I like it. We’ve only actually slept together twice, but the sex is probably the best I’ve ever had and I just feel comfortable with him. I think we both feel similarly about each other — happily surprised that we got along so well in bed and as people from the start, and just wanting to continue that. He talks constantly and never asks me about myself, and I don’t really care.


9 a.m. T sent me a few texts. I’m just not sure about pursuing this one.

12:21 p.m. A texts me to confirm our date tonight. We connected on an app and made plans a couple of days ago. He seems a little weird but I trust him because his texts are long and articulate. A also lives like two blocks away from me, and I could use a hookup that doesn’t require a commute.

7:40 p.m. I meet A at a bar about a block from our respective apartments. We chat for a while. He’s really intelligent. He’s a poet/photographer/graphic designer and the kind of person I hoped I’d meet in this neighborhood.

9:30 p.m. After two drinks, we go back to his place. I blow him for a while, which is difficult because he truly has the largest dick I’ve encountered and I don’t have that much experience with BJ’s — I had sex for years before I chose to give one. Then we fuck, pretty straightforwardly, but I really enjoy it. We watch TV, then I leave. I’m not super attracted to him, but really do want a local fuckbuddy.


9:30 a.m. Tough morning at the office after last night’s activities. Many iced coffees needed.

4:41 p.m. I get a “What are you doing tonight,” from T, who I went on that meh date with. I’m a little surprised but willing to give it another shot.

5 p.m. R asks me what I’m doing tonight. We plan to be in touch later.

5:25 p.m. I get a “Maybe we should just be friends” text from last night’s B. I try not to let it bruise my ego too much.

9:51 p.m. R suggests I come to the party he’s at. This is cool.

11:03 p.m. I leave to meet him. I bought this long shimmery black dress today and I’m wearing it sans bra.

11:30 p.m. I get to the party and am greeted by this warm, WASP-y, beautiful blonde woman who has no idea who I am, but when I tell her I’m here to meet R she whisks me in, hands me the “signature cocktail” of the party, and takes my coat. R sees me across the room; we move toward each other. He’s grabbing my wrist and pulling me across the room.

Pretty soon after, R leans over and whispers, “Let’s get out of here.”

1 a.m. R doesn’t like blow jobs, which I am happy with. We get to it pretty quickly. Mostly missionary and its variations. He likes putting my legs above my head for an intense version of it. The last time we hooked up before this was the hottest sex of my life — 8:30 a.m., doggy, with him pulling my hair to arch my back. But sex with him is always good.

When we’re done, we clean up, talk for a little, and go to sleep. Or rather, he does. I can’t sleep with other people.


10 a.m. We wake up, just talk, drink water, no sex. I go back to Brooklyn.

11 p.m. I get to a birthday party with a bunch of very older cool alumni from my college that I think are rad and am trying to see more of. I get super drunk on red wine and head home to sleep deeply.


2 p.m. I want to do something tonight, so I hit up a few different guys. T responds first. Lucky guy; I guess I’ll give him another try. We make plans to meet near his place (my suggestion) after I go to a family gathering.

7:25 p.m. I get to the bar in Bed-Stuy to meet T. After he finishes his second beer he says, “Maybe one more than we can head out?” which I take as a good sign. We seem to be clicking more on this date.

8:50 p.m. He says we can go back to his place if he’s interested. I tell him yes.

9:30 p.m. The sex is good. He lights some candles, turns off the overhead lights. He fingers me while I blow him for a while. I’m always really confused when I see an uncircumcised dick and then I remember oohhhh right that’s what that looks like. We proceed to have some really, really, good sex.

Before I leave, I ask T about his sex life and he says he’s actually in an open relationship with someone who’s abroad right now. This is great news for me, because I don’t LIKE-like him and don’t want to be in relationship, but this sex was good and he lives not too far from me.


10:09 a.m. I message T that I had a good time and I hope he did too. He says yes and re-emphasizes that it has to be casual and asks about STI’s. Very responsible.

11:38 a.m. D, an old friend, and I have plans tonight. I rearrange my night so that we have time to fuck before I see my friends for dinner.

6 p.m. I get to D’s house. We small talk and drink a few sips of wine before he lowers the lights and we get to it. We switch between doggy and missionary. I shower off and then go meet my friends for dinner.

8:10 p.m. I eat dinner with my friends on the Lower East Side. I love my friends so much; it’s just a really lovely night. That is all.


8:46 a.m. I have a few texts from T. It’s nice that someone is so persistent!

12:28 p.m. Another guy I’ve been messaging with on an app, P, and I decide to make plans. I tell him to meet me later at a cool-kid pizza place with natural wine.

8:10 p.m. P gets there while I’m in the middle of tasting different wines. I don’t LOVE his personality, and he comes off as a little basic. But whatever.

9:10 p.m. He says we can go to a different bar, or that his house is right nearby and he has beer and wine. I’m down.

9:30 p.m. He opens a bottle of wine and somehow we start talking about sex. What we like, our past relationships/experiences, etc. After a while I ask if we can just get to it.

10 p.m. He eventually puts on a condom and we fuck. Missionary for a while, with my legs eventually getting above my head. Then we switch to doggy. He doesn’t have lube, which … if you don’t have lube, you’re not a feminist.

11 p.m. Heading home. This has been a long week, and I think I need to take a break from men. Maybe I’ll go celibate in January …

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The Woman Who’d Rather Not Commute to a Date