If you were planning on breaking up with either your current significant other or someone you have yet to meet in 2019, may we suggest deciding to remain cherished friends instead?
On Wednesday, Jeff and MacKenzie Bezos announced that they were divorcing after 25 years of marriage; they issued a statement via Twitter, in a text-based image that seemingly upgrades the celebrity-favorite Notes App.
“As our family and close friends know, after a long period of loving exploration and trial separation, we have decided to divorce and continue our shared lives as friends. We feel incredibly lucky to have found each other and deeply grateful for every one of the years we have been married to each other,” the statement reads. “If we had known we would separate after 25 years, we would do it all again. We’ve had such a great life together as a married couple, and we also see wonderful futures ahead, as parents, friends, partners in ventures and projects, and as individuals pursuing ventures and adventures. Through the labels might be different, we remain a family, and we remain cherished friends.” It is signed by both Jeff and MacKenzie.
Parents! Friends! Partners in ventures! Partners in projects! Individuals in ventures (again)! Individuals pursuing adventures! Family! Cherished friends! There are so many possibilities in store. The world is a vast, teeming adventure, which will open itself readily to you when you are a white man who is worth $137 billion. If you are not any of these things, there’s always consciously uncoupling, or, the more tried-and-true route: asking that the paparazzi respect your family’s privacy at this time.