E.L. James, the author of Fifty Shades of Grey, the book that sold a billion Ben Wa balls, announced on Thursday that she has written a new “thrilling and sensuous” novel called The Mister, which is set to come out April 16. James describes the story of the two main characters, the aristocratic Maxim Trevelyan and the mysterious Alessia Demachi, as a “passionate new romance” and a “Cinderella story for the 21st century”.
Can you spot the real synopsis of the book below?
1. London, 2019. After getting out of a stale relationship, the eager but shy Alessia decides to check out an exclusive BDSM dungeon in Vauxhall, where an inviting, handsome man named Maxim catches her eye. But when she find out his main kink is macrophilia, a fetish she knows to involve digitally altering herself on a green screen to give the impression that she is stomping on her lovers, she skips out of the party early, upset over the situation and with herself. As the days pass by, though, Alessia finds herself thinking constantly thinking about the mysterious man from the dungeon, and decides to return to the party the next weekend.
This time, Alessia is comfortable in her environment, and though she doubts herself, she thinks she knows what — or, who — she wants. Will she take the ultimate plunge and allow herself to become a sexy giantess? Or will she retreat to what she knows to be safe … but boring?
2. London, 2019. Maxim, a wealthy and self-obsessed oil heir whose Tinder bio says “Impress me” and has never satisfied a woman sexually, is invited to a sex party hosted by a Conservative MP who is friends with his dad. There, he meets the alluring and enigmatic Alessia. Just as they finish strapping Alessia into the sex swing, the clock strikes midnight, and Alessia panics, grabbing her things and hurrying out the room, leaving behind only her custom-made Rabbit.
Desperate to find her, Maxim, decides to fuck his way through London, trying to find the vulva that fits the vibrator. Along the way, he learns a little something about pleasure, and about himself. Alessia spends the book being extremely annoyed that she lost her expensive sex toy.
3. London, 2019. Alessia had always adhered strictly to monogamy — any relationship outside of your primary one, she believed, was an act of betrayal. But when it came to casual sex, she had no holdups. She’d go to her favorite Clapham pub, pick out the man with the firmest grip on his frothy pint, and convince him that he wanted to take her back to his flat. By 2 a.m., she’d be on her way out.
But when Alessia has an incredibly sweaty night with a well-endowed man named Maxim, who asks her so many thoughtful questions about what she likes and her boundaries, she finds herself interested in him — until she finds out he’s polyamorous, and already has two partners. Initially, she retreats; and then, yearning for Maxim’s touch, she returns. While she’s unaware of what she’s getting into, she doesn’t care. All she knows is that everything she’s ever believed to be true about the limit of love and desire has been a lie.
4. London, 2019. Life has been easy for Maxim Trevelyan. With his good looks, aristocratic connections, and money, he’s never had to work and he’s rarely slept alone. But all that changes when tragedy strikes and Maxim inherits his family’s noble title, wealth, and estates, and all the responsibility that entails. It’s a role he’s not prepared for and one that he struggles to face.
But his biggest challenge is fighting his desire for an unexpected, enigmatic young woman who’s recently arrived in England, possessing little more than a dangerous and troublesome past. Reticent, beautiful, and musically gifted, she’s an alluring mystery, and Maxim’s longing for her deepens into a passion that he’s never experienced and dares not name.
5. London, 2019. Alessia is a struggling musician who pays the bills by working as a barista at an over-priced coffee shop in Chelsea. Once a week, a man comes in dressed in a trench coat, a fedora, and dark glasses. When she asks what name to put on the cup he leans in and whispers, “The Mister…” Alessia hates this, and finds him creepy.
One day, The Mister asks her out, and she says no. She spends the next year enjoying an exciting and fulfilling sex life with a variety of partners, and getting a few moderately exciting gigs.
Do you know which synopsis is real … ?
(It’s No. 4, duh.)