vanderpump rules

We’re on the Brim of FREAKING OUT!

Photo: Bravo

Remember on July 1, 2018 when Tom Sandoval posted an Instagram photo announcing that Tom Tom would open in “3 and a half weeks”?

Of course we (in the future) know that Tom Tom didn’t actually open until August 9. This was slightly off-target, but pretty close as far as things related to Tom Tom go. Now, having seen the latest episode of Vanderpump Rules, we also know that on the day this photo was taken Tom Sandoval had, for weeks, been banned from stepping foot into Tom Tom while Lisa Vanderpump and Nick Alain got the bar ready to open. Lisa Vanderpump wanted the “kids out of the kitchen,” as she explained, and on next week’s episode, the Toms will finally be allowed to see the bar that was created in their name with seemingly almost no input from them. It’s funny how things reveal themselves to you in time.

What else? Brittany is on the brim of freaking out. Brittany is on the brim of freaking out! Brittany is on the BRIM of FREAKING OUT!!! And who wouldn’t be?

Everyone is being very rude to her about Jax, her extremely poor choice of a fiancé. Sandoval and Stassi, etc., think she is making a mistake. Katie, in particular, does not want to hear about Jax and Brittany’s wedding. This is relatable because 1) no one wants to hear about anyone’s wedding, and 2) Jax is bad. But also we had to hear about Katie bullying Tom Schwartz into marrying her for, like, 17 seasons, so. And then we had to spend a whole season hearing about the billion-dollar wedding they couldn’t pay for. At least Jax and Brittany’s wedding will for sure be wholly sponsored by brands.

Brittany approached the brim of freaking out during a flier-making party (sure) for Katie’s women-oriented idea to replace DJ James Kennedy’s See You Next Tuesday DJ night at SUR. It’s called “Girls Night In.” Katie upsets Brittany by immediately being a big bitch to her about how, earlier that day, Jax was flustered about something regarding the wedding. (What he was flustered about is, I believe, not fully explained.) Brittany leaves the flier-making party (sure) in a huff, to go down the hall to where she lives with Jax.

Jax, confronted for seemingly the first time with Brittany being slightly upset, is aghast. “I don’t know what to do, she’s going crazy,” he says, after bursting into Katie’s apartment like Kramer. Oh, Jax. He talks to Brittany, too aggressively, and she explains herself eloquently. All is, uh, fine.

What else? I’m not sure that when Alex Baskin, Bill Langworthy, Douglas Ross, Greg Stewart, Ken Todd, and Lisa Vanderpump created Vanderpump Rules, they imagined the show would one day tackle the topic of cisgender privilege. And yet, here we are. Billie Lee was not invited to the flier-creating party for Katie’s “Girls Night In.” Understandably upset, after, she explains, a childhood spent not being invited to girls-only events and a hard fight for her pronoun, she took to social media.

The cast of Vanderpump Rules is not equipped to handle this. The girls are very confused about why Billie Lee is mad. They do not dislike trans people, they explain, and they even marched next to Billie during Pride, they explain and we are shown in a clip. Lala explains she does not particularly know what cis-privilege is, oh no, but, if Billie Lee is accusing Katie of it, it’s probably bullshit. Oh nooo, oh no, oh no. It is possible Vanderpump Rules can no longer exist. However, we must continue.

Lisa attempted to politely explain to Billie Lee that the girls excluded her not because she is trans but because, well, in so many words, they are old, A-level cast members and she is a new, B-level cast member. Also, it’s Katie’s event, and Katie was mad at her because she defended James, who had just called Katie fat, in that staff meeting last week. Billie Lee tells Lisa, somewhat confusingly, that if Katie is going to play her “fat card,” she is going to play her “trans card,” and that Katie can stop eating but she cannot stop being trans. It was … difficult! As was James’s studio session, which is a segue.

Tom Sandoval played his trumpet again in the studio for DJ James Kennedy and, though it was just as bad as the first time from last season, it was not as funny as the first time from last season:

And Stassi had her inaugural Outfit of the Day party, which seemed like a nice event. Oh, and Lala and Scheana attended an acting class which, for some reason, required them to loudly fake orgasms at each other. It was very uncomfortable for me. The end, goodbye!

It’s ‘Girls Night In’ on Vanderpump Rules, Unfortunately