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Which Town & Country Headline Are You?

'Town & Country' February 2019.
Town & Country February 2019. Photo: Francesco Carrozzini

If, as the old saying goes, you should not judge a book by its cover, where does that leave magazines?

On Tuesday, Town & Country magazine revealed its February 2019 issue, which features Anne Hathaway as its cover star. But the magazine, which is presumably for people who live in towns, countries, and/or both (and possibly even the country, as a singular noun) also displayed a number of choice headlines alongside a portrait of Anne looking windswept, which was shot by Francesco Carrozzini. “Mommy, Are We Rich?” one earnestly inquired. “Let’s All Just Move to New Zealand,” another suggested, and honestly, okay, I’m on board. But you may not be — and that is because the headline that whispers most beguilingly to you can reveal a lot about who you are as a person, and what your 2019 will hold.

Anne Hathaway’s 2019 Life Resolutions

You are currently deep in the throes of Marie Kondo’s tidy new Netflix show, and are wrestling with which of your three gray sweaters no longer brings you joy. You’re considering a pivot to vlogging, or asking for a raise at work because Cookie Monster inspired you. You are not just looking for New Year’s Resolutions; you’re looking for life resolutions specifically for 2019. You may or may not get bangs this year.

Etiquette for the New Pot Elite

Seeing that someone has listed their job as “entrepreneur” on Tinder would not be an automatic swipe-left for you. You’re open to how people make their money! You would put CBD oil on your feet if it actually helped to numb the pain of high heels. You have a friend who refers to pot as “jazz cabbage,” no matter how many times you have asked them to stop. (They swear it’s ironic. You know better. Also, maybe you are that friend.)

Let’s All Just Move to New Zealand

Every time you travel, you immediately look up house listings and wonder what life would be like if you just started over right then and there. This travel needn’t be far; you could meet friends for brunch in a new neighborhood and start fantasizing about a sunny one-bedroom. You are glad to start fresh.

Is Exercise Making You Fat?

If you identify as this headline, I honestly cannot help you, but I wish you luck and change. Let’s leave fatphobia in 2018, and also in the trash.

“Mommy, Are We Rich?” The Right Way to Talk to Your Kids About Money

Cookie Monster also inspired you to negotiate a raise at work! You read any and all money blogs, and have resolved to be better about your finances in 2019. You have considered electing into a “money punishment,” and are acutely attuned to the career pitfalls that threaten the next generation.

But you also find yourself wistfully asking, what is richness? Is it having money? (Yes. It is.) But is it also the experiences you have, the life you lead, the relationships and memories and eat, pray, love that make everything worthwhile? (Yes, sure, but also, it’s having money. The sooner everyone can admit that, the better we’ll all be.)

Also, you have a lot of Capricorn in your natal chart.

Which Town & Country Headline Are You?