A Salad Is the Perfect Food to Dump on Someone

Photo: John Shearer/Getty Images/Chin Heng Teoh/EyeEm

Miranda Lambert dumped a salad on somebody (!).

That’s pretty good, I think. (Dumping a salad on somebody.) I don’t claim to know much about country singer Miranda Lambert or her life, and I do hate to pry, but according to TMZ the incident occurred at a steakhouse in Nashville on Sunday night, and it was because of … millennials … and their phones? Here is what TMZ said:

As for why Miranda felt compelled to dump her dinner on the woman … we’re told the woman’s husband picked a fight with Miranda’s friend, which started in the men’s restroom with a wisecrack about millennials and their phones.

So, Miranda Lambert’s friend got into a fight with this guy, and the guy apparently came up to Miranda Lambert’s table (“eyewitnesses say Miranda had to be held back after the man came up to her table and started screaming,” says TMZ), and then Miranda Lambert went up to the guy’s table, and then Miranda Lambert dumped a salad on his wife. Police were called, but Lambert was gone when they arrived, and no report was filed.

Though I hope we someday find out the particulars of the millennial cell-phone argument, and why Miranda Lambert was mad at the guy’s wife, I think what we have now is enough: Miranda Lambert dumped a salad on somebody.

Salad is probably the best food item to dump on somebody, if you’re going to do it. Something like a lasagna would be messier, which is a plus, but it would just sort of plop. And that wouldn’t be very satisfying. And I guess if you’re at a steakhouse, what are your options? Steak, shrimp, salad. Steak and shrimp would not be satisfying. Elsewhere, curries or, like, stews or pastas or anything like that would be half-satisfying, I think, but then probably enough of it would stick to the bowl that it wouldn’t give the effect you want. Soup would be good but I’d rather not get into a discussion about whether soup is a food.

Salad, however, would fall on a person like confetti. Perfect for dumping. And it’s not particularly messy, so there’s isn’t a whole lot to feel guilty about after you’ve cooled down. Good choice, Miranda Lambert. I hope everyone is okay and has made peace with millennials and their cell phones.

A Salad Is the Perfect Food to Dump on Someone