Look, we don’t know each other very well. I won’t presume to know anything about your past, your preferences, your proclivities. Still, if I may be so bold, I would like to make a recommendation for something I think you might enjoy, because it is something I myself have greatly enjoyed, again and again, for about six minutes at a time, in the morning, in the evening, in my bed, at my desk, in a robe, even in high-waisted jeans. It is my favorite porn channel: Ryan Creamer’s videos on PornHub.com.
Before you get weird, this is not a sexual thing. Creamer’s videos are safe for work, even if none of the pop-up ads around them are. They include titles like, “I DELIVER YOU A PIZZA AND DON’T PUT MY WEINER IN IT,” “POV FOREHEAD KISS COMPILATION” and “I, Your Step Brother, Decline Your Advances But Am Flattered”.
As Creamer (real name), a 26-year-old comedian and writer for CollegeHumor told BuzzFeed News, he got the idea to begin uploading his own videos when he was perusing PornHub’s myriad offerings one night, and noticed the website’s “Work for Us” option. He realized anyone can get verified: “You just submit a picture of your face with a piece of paper with your name on it.”
Once Creamer was verified, he uploaded his first video, “I Tuck You In After You Have Cum.” Within a couple of days, he told BuzzFeed, the post got big on Reddit, and so he started uploading more, like “I Hug You and Say I Had a Really Good Time Tonight and Then I Go,” and “I Ride in a Taxi and Don’t Have Sex With the Driver.”
Although Creamer admits that he started the channel largely as a bit that would hopefully lead to more opportunities in comedy, he says the response from porn stars and people working in the sex industry has been overwhelmingly positive.
“Every person who works in the porn and sex industry has been kind to me, which is really, really cool,” he told BuzzFeed. “Everyone who is in this industry has been so, so nice. That’s made me feel really good.”
Sure, the videos are a goof, and they don’t make me “horny” in the traditional sense of the word. But they do make me horny for coziness and emotional support, boned up for respecting boundaries, and totally soaked for politeness. Again, I know I don’t know you very well, and maybe someone doing the dishes without being asked isn’t your “thing,” but give it a try. You might like it.
