On Monday, there’s a new moon Aquarius, the sign of progress and unconventionality and change. If you could change something in your own life, what would it be? You don’t need to know all the details before you can picture a different way of living. You don’t need to have every move planned out before you can imagine a change. This new moon will bring a powerful moment of potential. There’ll be a door open, and you’ll be able to walk through it.
You know that you have a body, strong and full of feeling, and you know that you have a mind, too, electric and brave. It’s just easy, sometimes, to imagine that the two are completely separate — as though your thoughts are too nebulous to touch your physical self, as though your movements through the world could never change the way your ideas grow. This week, you might find yourself frustrated, trying to do all your thinking in your head alone. Don’t forget about stretching your limbs, going outside, and seeing what springs into being when you let your body think, too.
You might hear from other people that the only way to survive this world is to make big demands, to play hardball, to weave a careful net of strategies and negotiations. And if you don’t exactly feel up to the task this week, that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re stuck where you are, with only the crumbs you’ve been given. This week, it might be enough just to quietly ask for the thing you really want. It might be enough just to quietly ignore anyone who tells you that creativity or abundance or love are out of reach.
There are so many different reasons for holding yourself back, some of them good and some less so. It’s valuable, of course, to be considerate, to hold space for other people to think and speak and breathe. Sometimes, though, you’re just worried about appearing to be too much, and this is a week for resisting that impulse. There’s no reason to save your best energy for later, no reason to imagine that shrinking your imagination will convince the world would be kinder to you. If you let your ideas grow large, then your world will expand to fit them.
Sometimes, you’re haunted by this lingering fear that you might accidentally want or have or reach for more than you really deserve. Sometimes, you’re haunted by the thought that you’re somehow overreaching in your desires — as though you should want only those things you can be absolutely sure you’ve earned. This week, you have to stop that, at least for now. Desire isn’t a problem to be solved or and equation that must be balanced. It just exists, already inside you, and your task isn’t to make yourself worthy of it, but to follow it forward and see where it leads.
This week, you might imagine that it’s possible, if you can only fly high enough, to transcend the realm of any earthly sensitivities. You might dream of finding a way to become pure or powerful enough that you can escape the indignities of having a human body and a heart that knows how to feel. It’s worth your time to practice soaring and dreaming and living a life full of color and light, but don’t worry so much if you catch yourself in moments of quiet insecurity sometimes. Vulnerability can’t be eradicated, but it can’t stop you from living, either.
It might feel like you’re flailing a little bit, this week, and this might feel so unfair. If you’ve already made the important changes your life needed, so why is everything still this difficult? If you’ve already taken hold of yourself and your courage and made the big leap, why hasn’t the ground become steady under your feet again? It’s okay to still be in motion this week. There’s so much still to learn. Maybe it’s that the world around you is less simple than you predicted. Maybe, too, it’s that your desires are bigger, sweeter, more unruly than you counted on.
This week, the world might reveal to you certain gaps in your knowledge, or in your understanding of the world. It might feel at first like a bad thing, like you’re being, somehow, scolded — for not knowing everything already, for not already seeing the world with a perfect, even clarity. Really, though, this is an opportunity. Where you thought you had become bored, suddenly there is mystery again. Where you thought you were in stasis, suddenly, there is movement. Where you thought a certain future was closed off to you, suddenly, a crack opens up to let sunlight in.
This week, feelings you’ve long held quiet inside you will start to rumble and make noise. This week, ideas that have long lain dormant will start clamoring to be seen and touched and spoken. This doesn’t mean you have to share everything, and it doesn’t mean you have to spend the whole week doing nothing but talking. But if there’s something inside of you at risk of festering, bring it out into the sun. If there’s something inside you dying for lack of attention, bring it out into the cold, clear air.
If your desires seem tangled, if they seem weird and illegible, could it be because they’re weirder than you thought at first? If your desires, once straightforward, start presenting you with questions and problems, could be it because they’ve changed from what they once were? This week, don’t torment yourself if everything is less clear than you’d like it to be. You don’t have to know all the answers, or leap into action this second. For now, just keep your eyes open. The answers you need might appear slowly, with a beauty that surprises even you.
What is it that you wish you could stop hiding? What is it that you wish you could stop clutching so tightly in your fingers? This week, you might find the permission you’ve been looking for. There’s so much in the world you’ve been told you’re supposed to want, and so much you’ve been told you could never live without. Some of those needs and desires overlap with your true ones, and some are just stories told to you by other people. This week, give yourself the chance to question which is which. Let yourself imagine different modes of feeling.
If the world has you feeling a bit bored this week, if it has you feeling that your life is unbearably small, don’t force yourself to ignore that feeling, or to convince yourself that everything is fine. Boredom is a feeling as real as any other, and you can regard it seriously, with respect. You’ve been given a mind that’s quick and alive, and the capacity for dreams that sparkle beyond anything you’ve ever seen. Don’t try to convince yourself your bright imagination doesn’t deserve a beautiful, expansive life. Even if you don’t know what it is you want, you’re allowed to more than this.
You might struggle with the temptation to keep all good things to yourself, safe in your own heart forever. Sometimes, it’s because of a fear that being seen to clearly will make you vulnerable; sometimes, it’s just because hiding all good things inside yourself keeps your own experience of them clearer, purer, sweeter. This week, though, don’t imagine that every good idea can stay hidden underground forever without eventually withering from lack of sunlight. This is a week for letting your ideas out into the world, for seeing what springs into existence out of the sound of your voice.